Kafka Themes
üThe anxiety and
alienation of the late 20th and early 21st century. What behaviors/ systems, situations create
anxiety and alienate us?
üThe individual’s
struggle to prevail against a vast, meaningless, and apparently hostile system. (bureaucracy, culture,
self or group expectations of us, family, religion, language)
üThe bewilderment of the
individual at being placed in an impossible situation.
Franz Kafka
The Metamorphosis
One morning, as Gregor
Samsa was waking up from anxious dreams, he
discovered that in bed he had been changed into a monstrous verminous
bug. He lay on his armor-hard back and saw, as he
lifted his head up a little, his brown, arched abdomen divided up into rigid
bow-like sections. From this height the blanket, just about ready to slide off
completely, could hardly stay in place. His numerous legs, pitifully thin in
comparison to the rest of his circumference, flickered helplessly before his
eyes.
“What’s
happened to me,” he thought. It was no dream. His room, a proper room for a
human being, only somewhat too small, lay quietly between the four well-known
walls. Above the table, on which an unpacked collection of sample cloth goods
was spread out—Samsa was a travelling salesman—hung the picture which
he had cut out of an illustrated magazine a little while ago and set in a
pretty gilt frame. It was a picture of a woman with a fur hat and a fur boa. She sat erect
there, lifting up in the direction of the viewer a solid fur muff into which
her entire forearm had disappeared.
Gregor’s
glance then turned to the window. The dreary weather—the rain drops were
falling audibly down on the metal window ledge—made him quite
melancholy. “Why don’t I keep sleeping for a little while longer and forget all
this foolishness,” he thought. But this was entirely impractical, for he was
used to sleeping on his right side, and in his present state he could not get
himself into this position. No matter how hard he threw himself onto his right
side, he always rolled onto his back again. He must have tried it a hundred
times, closing his eyes so that he would not have to see the wriggling legs,
and gave up only when he began to feel a light, dull pain in his side which he
had never felt before.
“O God,” he thought, “what a demanding
job I’ve chosen! Day in, day out, on the road. The
stresses of selling are much greater than the work going on at head office,
and, in addition to that, I have to cope with the problems of travelling, the
worries about train connections, irregular bad food, temporary and constantly
changing human relationships, which never come from the heart. To hell with it all!”
He felt a slight itching on the top of his abdomen. He slowly pushed himself on
his back closer to the bed post so that he could lift his head more easily,
found the itchy part, which was entirely covered with small white spots—he did
not know what to make of them and wanted to feel the place with a leg. But he
retracted it immediately, for the contact felt like a cold shower all over him.
He
slid back again into his earlier position. “This getting up early,” he thought,
“makes a man quite idiotic. A man must have his sleep. Other travelling
salesmen live like harem women. For instance, when I come back to the inn during the course of the
morning to write up the necessary orders, these gentlemen are just sitting down
to breakfast. If I were to try that with my boss, I’d be thrown out on the
spot. Still, who knows whether that mightn’t be really good for me? If I didn’t
hold back for my parents’ sake, I’d have quit ages ago. I would’ve gone to the
boss and told him just what I think from the bottom of my heart. He would’ve
fallen right off his desk! How weird it is to sit up at that desk and talk down
to the employee from way up there. The boss has trouble hearing, so the
employee has to step up quite close to him. Anyway, I haven’t completely given
up that hope yet.
Once I’ve got together the money to pay off my parents’ debt to him—that should
take another five or six years—I’ll do it for sure. Then I’ll make the big break.
In any case, right now I have to get up. My train leaves at five o’clock.”
He
looked over at the alarm clock ticking away by the chest of drawers. “Good
God!” he thought. It was half past six, and the hands were going quietly on. It
was past the half hour, already nearly quarter to. Could the alarm have failed
to ring? One saw from the bed that it was properly set for four o’clock.
Certainly it had rung. Yes, but was it possible to sleep through that noise
which made the furniture shake? Now, it is true he had
not slept quietly, but evidently he had slept all the more deeply. Still, what
should he do now? The next train left at seven o’clock. To catch that one, he
would have to go in a mad rush. The sample collection was not packed up yet,
and he really did not feel particularly fresh and active. And even if he caught
the train, there was no avoiding a blow-up with the boss, because the firm’s errand boy
would have waited for the five o’clock train and reported the news of his
absence long ago. He was the boss’s minion, without backbone or
intelligence. Well then, what if he reported in sick? But that would be
extremely embarrassing and suspicious, because during his five years’ service Gregor had not been sick even once. The boss would certainly
come with the doctor from the health insurance company and would reproach his
parents for their lazy son and cut short all objections with the insurance
doctor’s comments; for him everyone was completely healthy but really lazy
about work. And besides, would the doctor in this case be totally wrong? Apart
from a really excessive drowsiness after the long sleep, Gregor
in fact felt quite well and even had a really strong appetite.
As
he was thinking all this over in the greatest haste, without being able to make
the decision to get out of bed—the alarm clock was indicating exactly quarter
to seven—there was a cautious knock on the door by the head of the bed.
“Gregor,” a
voice called—it was his mother!—“it’s quarter to seven. Don’t you
want to be on your way?” The soft voice! Gregor
was startled when he heard his voice answering. It was clearly and unmistakably
his earlier voice, but in it was intermingled, as if from below, an
irrepressibly painful squeaking, which left the words positively distinct only
in the first moment and distorted them in the reverberation, so that one did
not know if one had heard correctly. Gregor wanted to
answer in detail and explain everything, but in these circumstances he confined
himself to saying, “Yes, yes, thank you mother. I’m getting up right away.”
Because of the wooden door the change in Gregor’s
voice was not really noticeable outside, so his mother calmed down with this
explanation and shuffled off. However, as a result of the short conversation,
the other family members became aware that Gregor was
unexpectedly still at home, and already his father was knocking on one side door, weakly but with his fist.
“Gregor, Gregor,” he called
out, “what’s going on?” And, after a short while, he urged him on again in a
deeper voice: “Gregor! Gregor!” At the other side
door, however, his sister knocked lightly. “Gregor? Are you all right? Do you need anything?” Gregor directed answers in both directions, “I’ll be ready
right away.” He made an effort with the most careful articulation and inserted
long pauses between the individual words to remove everything remarkable from
his voice. His father turned back to his breakfast. However, the sister whispered, “Gregor, open the door—I beg you.” Gregor
had no intention of opening the door, but congratulated himself on his
precaution, acquired from travelling, of locking all doors during the night,
even at home.
He becomes unable to communicate with
others—they no longer speak the same language.
First
he wanted to stand up quietly and undisturbed, get dressed, above all have
breakfast, and only then consider further action, for—he noticed this
clearly—by thinking things over in bed he would not reach a reasonable
conclusion. He remembered that he had already often felt some light pain or
other in bed, perhaps the result of an awkward lying position, which later
turned out to be purely imaginary when he stood up, and he was eager to see how
his present fantasies would gradually dissipate. That the change in his voice was
nothing other than the onset of a real chill, an occupational illness of
commercial travelers, of that he had not the slightest doubt.
It
was very easy to throw aside the blanket. He needed only to push himself up a
little, and it fell by itself. But to continue was difficult, particularly
because he was so unusually wide. He needed arms and hands to push himself upright. Instead of these, however, he had only many
small limbs which were incessantly moving with very different motions and
which, in addition, he was unable to control. If he wanted to bend one of them,
then it was the first to extend itself, and if he finally succeeded doing what
he wanted with this limb, in the meantime all the others, as if left free,
moved around in an excessively painful agitation. “But I must not stay in bed
uselessly,” said Gregor to himself.
At
first he wanted to get out of bed with the lower part of his body, but this
lower part—which, by the way, he had not yet looked at and which
he also could not picture clearly—proved itself too difficult to move.
The attempt went so slowly. When, having become almost frantic, he finally
hurled himself forward with all his force and without thinking, he chose his
direction incorrectly, and he hit the lower bedpost hard. The violent pain he
felt revealed to him that the lower part of his body was at the moment probably
the most sensitive.
Thus,
he tried to get his upper body out of the bed first and turned his head
carefully toward the edge of the bed. He managed to do this easily, and in
spite of its width and weight his body mass at last slowly followed the turning
of his head. But as he finally raised his head outside the bed in the open air,
he became anxious about moving forward any further in this manner, for if he
allowed himself eventually to fall by this process, it would take a miracle to
prevent his head from getting injured. And at all costs he must not lose
consciousness right now. He preferred to remain in bed.
However,
after a similar effort, while he lay there again, sighing as before, and once
again saw his small limbs fighting one another, if anything worse than earlier,
and did not see any chance of imposing quiet and order on this arbitrary
movement, he told himself again that he could not possibly remain in bed and
that it might be the most reasonable thing to sacrifice everything if there was
even the slightest hope of getting himself out of bed in the process. At the
same moment, however, he did not forget to remind himself from time to time of
the fact that calm—indeed the calmest—reflection might be better
than confused decisions. At such moments, he directed his gaze as precisely as
he could toward the window, but unfortunately there was little confident cheer
to be had from a glance at the morning mist, which concealed even the other
side of the narrow street. “It’s already seven o’clock,” he told himself at the
latest striking of the alarm clock, “already seven o’clock and still such a
fog.” And for a little while longer he lay quietly with weak breathing, as if
perhaps waiting for normal and natural conditions to re-emerge out of the
complete stillness.
But
then he said to himself, “Before it strikes a quarter
past seven, whatever happens I must be completely out of bed. Besides, by then
someone from the office will arrive to inquire about me, because the office
will open before seven o’clock.” And he made an effort then to rock his entire
body length out of the bed with a uniform motion. If he let himself fall out of
the bed in this way, his head, which in the course of the fall he intended to
lift up sharply, would probably remain uninjured. His back seemed to be hard;
nothing would really happen to that as a result of the fall. His greatest
reservation was a worry about the loud noise which the fall must create and
which presumably would arouse, if not fright, then at least concern on the
other side of all the doors. However, he had to take that chance.
As Gregor was
in the process of lifting himself half out of bed—the new method was more
of a game than an effort; he needed only to rock with a constant rhythm—it
struck him how easy all this would be if someone were to come to his aid. Two
strong people—he thought of his father and the servant girl—would have been quite sufficient.
They would only have had to push their arms under his arched back to get him
out of the bed, to bend down with their load, and then merely to exercise
patience and care that he completed the flip onto the floor, where his
diminutive legs would then, he hoped, acquire a purpose. Now, quite apart from
the fact that the doors were locked, should he really call out for help? In
spite of all his distress, he was unable to suppress a smile at this idea.
He
had already got to the point where, by rocking more strongly, he maintained his
equilibrium with difficulty, and very soon he would finally have to decide, for
in five minutes it would be a quarter past seven. Then there was a ring at the door of the apartment.
“That’s someone from the office,” he told himself, and he almost froze while
his small limbs only danced around all the faster. For one moment everything
remained still. “They aren’t opening,” Gregor said to
himself, caught up in some absurd hope. But of course then, as usual, the
servant girl with her firm tread went to the door and opened it. Gregor needed to hear only the first word of the visitor’s
greeting to recognize immediately who it was, the manager himself. Why was Gregor
the only one condemned to work in a firm where, at the slightest lapse, someone
immediately attracted the greatest suspicion? Were all the employees then
collectively, one and all, scoundrels? Among them was there then no truly
devoted person who, if he failed to use just a couple of hours in the morning
for office work, would become abnormal from pangs of conscience and really be
in no state to get out of bed? Was it really not enough to let an apprentice
make inquiries, if such questioning was even necessary? Must the manager
himself come, and in the process must it be demonstrated to the entire innocent
family that the investigation of this suspicious circumstance could be
entrusted only to the intelligence of the manager? And more as a consequence of
the excited state in which this idea put Gregor than
as a result of an actual decision, he swung himself with all his might out of
the bed. There was a loud thud, but not a real crash. The fall was absorbed
somewhat by the carpet and, in addition, his back was more elastic than Gregor had thought. For that reason the dull noise was not
quite so conspicuous. But he had not held his head up with sufficient care and
had hit it. He turned his head, irritated and in pain, and rubbed it on the
carpet.
“Something
has fallen in there,” said the manager in the next room on the left. Gregor tried to imagine to himself whether anything similar
to what was happening to him today could have also happened at some point to
the manager. At least one had to concede the possibility of such a thing.
However, as if to give a rough answer to this question, the manager now, with a
squeak of his polished boots, took a few determined steps in the next room. From the neighboring room on the right the sister was whispering to
inform Gregor: “Gregor, the
manager is here.” “I know,” said Gregor to himself.
But he did not dare make his voice loud enough so that his sister could hear.
“Gregor,” his
father now said from
the neighboring room on the left, “Mr. Manager has come and is asking
why you have not left on the early train. We don’t know what we should tell
him. Besides, he also wants to speak to you personally. So please open the
door. He will be good enough to forgive the mess in your room.”
In
the middle of all this, the manager called out in a friendly way, “Good
morning, Mr. Samsa.” “He is not well,” said his
mother to the manager, while his father was still talking at the door, “He is
not well, believe me, Mr. Manager. Otherwise how would Gregor
miss a train? The young man has nothing in his head except business. I’m almost
angry that he never goes out at night. Right now he’s been in the city eight
days, but he’s been at home every evening. He sits here with us at the table
and reads the newspaper quietly or studies his travel schedules. It’s a quite a
diversion for him to busy himself with fretwork. For instance, he cut out a
small frame over the course of two or three evenings. You’d be amazed how
pretty it is. It’s hanging right inside the room. You’ll see it immediately, as
soon as Gregor opens the door. Anyway, I’m happy that
you’re here, Mr. Manager. By ourselves, we would never have made Gregor open the door. He’s so stubborn, and he’s certainly
not well, although he denied that this morning.”
“I’m
coming right away,” said Gregor slowly and
deliberately and didn’t move, so as not to lose one word of the conversation.
“My dear lady, I cannot explain it to myself in any other way,” said the
manager; “I hope it is nothing serious. On the other hand, I must also say that
we business people, luckily or unluckily, however one looks at it, very often
simply have to overcome a slight indisposition for business reasons.” “So can Mr. Manager come in to
see you now?” asked his father impatiently and knocked once again on the door.
“No,” said Gregor. In the neighboring room on the
left a painful stillness descended. In the neighboring room on the right the sister began to sob.
Why
did his sister not go to the others? She had probably just got up out of bed now and had not even started to
get dressed yet. Then why was she crying? Because he was not getting up
and letting the manager in, because he was in danger of losing his position,
and because then his boss would badger his parents once again with the old
demands? Those were probably unnecessary worries right now. Gregor
was still here and was not thinking at all about abandoning his family. At the
moment he was lying right there on the carpet, and no one who knew about his
condition would have seriously demanded that he let the manager in. But Gregor would not be casually dismissed right way because of
this small discourtesy, for which he would find an easy and suitable excuse
later on. It seemed to Gregor that it might be far
more reasonable to leave him in peace at the moment, instead of disturbing him
with crying and conversation. But it was the very uncertainty which distressed
the others and excused their behaviour.
“Mr. Samsa,” the manager was now
shouting,
his voice raised, “what’s the matter? You are
barricading yourself in your room, answering with only a yes and a no, are
making serious and unnecessary trouble for your parents, and neglecting—I
mention this only incidentally—your commercial duties in a truly unheard of
manner. I am speaking here in the name of your parents and your employer, and I
am requesting you in all seriousness for an immediate and clear explanation. I
am amazed. I am amazed. I thought I knew you as a calm, reasonable person, and
now you appear suddenly to want to start parading around in weird moods. The Chief indicated
to me earlier this very day a possible explanation for your neglect—it
concerned the collection of cash entrusted to you a short while ago—but in
truth I almost gave him my word of honor that this explanation could not be
correct. However,
now I see here your unimaginable pig headedness, and I am totally losing any
desire to speak up for you in the slightest. And your position is not at all the
most secure.
Originally I intended to mention all this to you privately, but since you are
letting me waste my time here uselessly, I don’t know why the matter shouldn’t
come to the attention of your parents. Your productivity has also been very
unsatisfactory recently. Of
course, it’s not the time of year to conduct exceptional business, we recognize
that, but a time of year for conducting no business, there is no such thing at all,
Mr. Samsa, and such a thing must never be.”
“But
Mr. Manager,” called Gregor, beside himself and, in
his agitation, forgetting everything else, “I’m opening the door immediately,
this very moment. A slight indisposition, a dizzy spell, has prevented me from
getting up. I’m still lying in bed right now. But I’m quite refreshed once
again. I’m in the midst of getting out of bed. Just have patience for a short
moment! Things are not going as well as I thought. But things are all right.
How suddenly this can overcome someone! Only yesterday evening everything was
fine with me. My parents certainly know that. Actually just yesterday evening I
had a small premonition. People must have seen that in me. Why have I not
reported that to the office? But people always think that they’ll get over
sickness without having to stay at home. Mr. Manager! Take it easy on my
parents! There is really no basis for the criticisms which you’re now making
against me, and nobody has said a word to me about that. Perhaps you have not
read the latest orders which I sent in. Besides, now I’m setting out on my trip
on the eight o’clock train; the few hours’ rest have
made me stronger. Mr. Manager, do not stay. I will be at the office in person
right away. Please have the goodness to say that and to convey my respects to
the Chief.”
While
Gregor was quickly blurting all this out, hardly
aware of what he was saying, he had moved close to the chest of drawers without
effort, probably as a result of the practice he had already had in bed, and now
he was trying to raise himself up on it. Actually, he wanted to open the door. He really wanted to let himself be seen by
and to speak with the manager. He was keen to witness what the others
now asking about him would say when they saw him. If they were startled, then Gregor had no more responsibility and could be calm. But if they accepted everything quietly, then he would have no
reason to get excited and, if he got a move on, could really be at the station
around eight o’clock.
At
first he slid down a few times on the smooth chest of drawers. But at last he
gave himself a final swing and stood upright there. He was no longer at all
aware of the pains in his lower body, no matter how they might still sting. Now
he let himself fall against the back of a nearby chair, on the edge of which he
braced himself with his thin limbs. By doing this he gained control over
himself and kept quiet, for he could now hear the manager.
“Did you understood
a single word?” the manager asked the parents, “Is he playing the fool with
us?” “For God’s sake,” cried the mother already in tears, “perhaps he’s very
ill and we’re upsetting him. Grete! Grete!” she yelled at that point. “Mother?”
called the sister from the other side. They were making themselves understood through
Gregor’s room. “You must go to the doctor
right away. Gregor is sick. Hurry to the doctor. Have you
heard Gregor speak yet?” “That was an animal’s
voice,” said the manager, remarkably quietly in comparison to the mother’s
cries.
“Anna!
Anna!” yelled the father through the hall into the kitchen, clapping his hands,
“fetch a locksmith
right away!” The two young women were already running through the hall with
swishing skirts—how had
his sister dressed herself so quickly?—and pulled open the doors
of the apartment. One could not hear the doors closing at all. They probably
had left them open, as is customary in an apartment where a huge misfortune has
taken place.
However,
Gregor had become much calmer. All right, people did not
understand his words any more, although they seemed clear enough to him,
clearer than previously, perhaps because his ears had got used to them.
But at least people now thought that things were not completely all right with
him and were prepared to help. The confidence and assurance with which
the first arrangements had been carried out made him feel good. He felt himself
included once again in the circle of humanity and was expecting from both the
doctor and the locksmith, without differentiating between them with any real precision,
splendid and surprising results. In order to get as clear a voice as possible
for the critical conversation which was imminent, he coughed a little, and
certainly took the trouble to do this in a really subdued way, since it was
possible that even this noise sounded like something different from a human
cough. He no longer trusted himself to decide any more. Meanwhile in the next
room it had become really quiet. Perhaps his parents were sitting with the
manager at the table whispering; perhaps they were all leaning against the door
listening.
Gregor
pushed himself slowly towards the door, with the help of the easy chair, let go
of it there, threw himself against the door, held himself upright against it—the
balls of his tiny limbs had a little sticky stuff on them—and rested there momentarily from his exertion. Then he made an effort to turn
the key in the lock with his mouth. Unfortunately it seemed that he had no real teeth. How
then was he to grab hold of the key? But to make up for that his jaws were
naturally very strong; with their help he managed to get the key really
moving. He did not notice that he was obviously inflicting some damage on
himself, for a brown fluid came out of his mouth, flowed over the key, and
dripped onto the floor.
“Just
listen for a moment,” said the manager in the next room. “He’s turning the
key.” For Gregor that was a great encouragement. But
they should all have called out to him, including his father and mother, “Come
on, Gregor,” they should have shouted. “Keep going,
keep working on the lock.” Imagining that all his efforts were being followed
with suspense, he bit down frantically on the key with all the force he could
muster. As the key turned more, he danced around the lock. Now he was holding
himself upright only with his mouth, and he had to hang onto the key or then
press it down again with the whole weight of his body, as necessary. The quite
distinct click of the lock as it finally snapped really woke Gregor up. Breathing heavily he said to himself, “So I didn’t
need the locksmith,” and he set his head against the door handle to open the
door completely.
Because he had to open the door in this
way, it was already open very wide without him yet being really visible. He
first had to turn himself slowly around the edge of the door, very carefully,
of course, if he did not want to fall awkwardly on his back right at the
entrance into the room. He was still preoccupied with this difficult movement
and had no time to pay attention to anything else, when he heard the manager exclaim a loud “Oh!”—it
sounded like the wind whistling—and now he saw him, nearest to the door,
pressing
his hand against his open mouth and moving slowly back, as if an invisible
constant force was pushing him away. His mother—in spite of the presence
of the manager she was standing here with her hair sticking up on end, still a
mess from the night—was looking at his father with her hands
clasped. She then went two steps towards Gregor
and collapsed
right in the middle of her skirts, which were spread out all around her,
her face sunk on her breast, completely concealed. His father clenched
his fist with a hostile expression, as if he wished to push Gregor back into his room, then looked uncertainly around
the living room, covered his eyes with his hands, and cried so that his mighty
breast shook.
At
this point Gregor did not take one step into the
room, but leaned his body from the inside against the firmly bolted wing of the
door, so that only half his body was visible, as well as his head, tilted
sideways, with which he peeped over at the others. Meanwhile it had become much
brighter. Standing out clearly from the other side of the street was a section
of the endless grey-black house situated opposite—it was a hospital—with
its severe regular windows breaking up the facade. The rain was still coming
down, but only in large individual drops visibly and firmly thrown down one by
one onto the ground. Countless breakfast dishes were standing piled around on
the table, because for his father breakfast was the most important meal time in
the day, which he prolonged for hours by reading various newspapers. Directly
across on the opposite wall hung a photograph of Gregor
from the time of his military service; it was a picture of him as a lieutenant,
as he, smiling and worry free, with his hand on his sword, demanded respect for
his bearing and uniform. The door to the hall was ajar, and since the door to
the apartment was also open, one could see out into the landing of the
apartment and the start of the staircase going down.
“Now,” said Gregor,
well aware that he was the only one who had kept his composure. “I’ll get
dressed right away, pack up the collection of samples, and set off. You’ll allow me to set out on my way, will you not? You
see, Mr. Manager, I am not pig-headed, and I am happy to work. Travelling is
exhausting, but I couldn’t live without it. Where are you going, Mr. Manager? To the office? Really? Will you
report everything truthfully? A person can be incapable of work momentarily,
but that’s precisely the best time to remember the earlier achievements and to
consider that later, after the obstacles have been shoved aside, the person
will work all the more eagerly and intensely. I am really so indebted to Mr. Chief—you know that
perfectly well. On the other hand, I am concerned about my parents and my
sister. I’m in a fix, but I’ll work myself out of it again. Don’t make
things more difficult for me than they already are. Speak up on my behalf in
the office! People don’t like travelling salesmen. I know that. People think
they earn pots of money and thus lead a fine life. People don’t even have any
special reason to think through this judgment more clearly. But you, Mr.
Manager, you have a better perspective on what’s involved than other people,
even, I tell you in total confidence, a better perspective than Mr. Chairman
himself, who in his capacity as the employer may let his judgment make casual
mistakes at the expense of an employee. You also know well enough that the
travelling salesman who is outside the office almost the entire year can become
so easily a victim of gossip, coincidences, and groundless complaints, against
which it’s totally impossible for him to defend himself, since for the most
part he doesn’t hear about them at all and only then when he’s exhausted after
finishing a trip and at home gets to feel in his own body the nasty
consequences, which can’t be thoroughly explored back to their origins. Mr.
Manager, don’t leave without speaking a word telling me that you’ll at least
concede that I’m a little in the right!”
But
at Gregor’s first words the manager had already
turned away, and now he looked back at Gregor over his twitching shoulders with pursed lips.
During Gregor’s speech he was not still for a moment
but kept moving away towards the door, without taking his eyes off Gregor, but really gradually, as if there was a secret ban
on leaving the room. He was already in the hall, and given the sudden movement
with which he finally pulled his foot out of the living room, one could have
believed that he had just burned the sole of his foot. In the hall, however, he
stretched his right hand out away from his body towards the staircase, as if
some truly supernatural relief was waiting for him there.
Gregor
realized that he must not under any circumstances allow the manager to go away
in this frame of mind, especially if his position in the firm was not to be
placed in the greatest danger. His parents did not understand all this very well. Over the long years,
they had developed the conviction that Gregor was set
up for life in his firm and, in addition, they had so much to do nowadays with their present troubles
that all foresight was foreign to them. But Gregor
had this foresight. The manager must be held back, calmed down, convinced, and
finally won over. The future of Gregor and his family
really depended on it! If only the sister had been there! She was clever. She
had already cried while Gregor was still lying
quietly on his back. And the manager, this friend of the ladies, would
certainly let himself be guided by her. She would have closed the door to the
apartment and talked him out of his fright in the hall. But the sister was not
even there. Gregor must deal with it himself.
Without
thinking that as yet he did not know anything about his present ability to move
and that his speech possibly—indeed probably—had once again not
been understood, he left the wing of the door, pushed himself through the
opening, and wanted to go over to the manager, who was already holding tight with
both hands gripping the handrail on the landing in a ridiculous way. But as he
looked for something to steady himself, with a small scream Gregor
immediately fell down onto his numerous little legs. Scarcely had this
happened, when he
felt for the first time that morning a general physical well being. The small limbs had firm floor
under them; they obeyed perfectly, as he noticed to his joy, and strove to
carry him forward in the direction he wanted. Right away he believed
that the final amelioration of all his suffering was immediately at hand. But
at the very moment when he lay on the floor rocking in a restrained manner
quite close and directly across from his mother, who had apparently totally
sunk into herself, she suddenly sprang right up with her arms spread far apart
and her fingers extended and cried out, “Help, for God’s sake, help!” She held
her head bowed down, as if she wanted to view Gregor
better, but ran senselessly back, contradicting that gesture, forgetting that
behind her stood the table with all the dishes on it. When she reached the
table, she sat down heavily on it, as if absent-mindedly, and did not appear to
notice at all that next to her coffee was pouring out onto the carpet in a full
stream from the large overturned container.
“Mother,
mother,” said Gregor quietly, and looked over towards
her. The manager momentarily had disappeared completely from his mind. On the
other hand, when he saw the flowing coffee Gregor
could not stop himself snapping his jaws in the air a few times. At that his
mother screamed all over again, hurried from the table, and collapsed into the
arms of his father, who was rushing towards her. But Gregor
had no time right now for his parents—the manager was already on the staircase. His chin level
with the banister, the manager looked back for the last time. Gregor took an initial movement to catch up to him if
possible. But the manager must have suspected something, because he made a leap
down over a few stairs and disappeared, still shouting “Huh!” The sound echoed
throughout the entire stairwell.
Now,
unfortunately this flight of the manager also seemed to bewilder his father
completely. Earlier he had been relatively calm. For instead of running after the manager
himself or at least not hindering Gregor from his
pursuit, with his right hand he grabbed hold of the manager’s cane, which he
had left behind on a chair with his hat and overcoat. With his left hand, his father picked up a large
newspaper from the table and, stamping his feet on the floor, he set out to
drive Gregor back into his room by waving the cane
and the newspaper. No request of Gregor’s was of any
use; no request would even be understood. No matter how willing he was to turn
his head respectfully, his father just stomped all the harder with his feet.
Across
the room from him his mother had pulled open a window, in spite of the cool
weather, and leaning out with her hands on her cheeks,
she pushed her face far outside the window. Between the lane and the
stairwell a strong draught came up, the curtains on the window flew around, the
newspapers on the table swished, and individual sheets fluttered down over the
floor. The father relentlessly pressed forward, pushing out sibilants, like a
wild man. Now, Gregor had no practice at all in going
backwards—it was really very slow going. If Gregor
only had been allowed to turn himself around, he would have been in his room
right away, but he was afraid to make his father impatient by the
time-consuming process of turning around, and each moment he faced the threat
of a mortal blow on his back or his head from the cane in his father’s hand.
Finally Gregor had no other option, for he noticed
with horror that he did not understand yet how to maintain his direction going
backwards. And so he began, amid constantly anxious sideways glances in his
father’s direction, to turn himself around as quickly as possible, although in
truth this was only done very slowly. Perhaps his father noticed his good intentions, for he
did not disrupt Gregor in this motion, but with the
tip of the cane from a distance he even directed Gregor’s
rotating movement now here and there.
If
only his father had not hissed so unbearably! Because of that Gregor totally lost his head. He was already almost totally
turned around, when, always with this hissing in his ear, he just made a
mistake and turned himself back a little. But when he finally was successful in
getting his head in front of the door opening, it became clear that his body
was too wide to go through any further. Naturally his father, in his present
mental state, had no idea of opening the other wing of the door a bit to create
a suitable passage for Gregor to get through. His
single fixed thought was that Gregor must get into
his room as quickly as possible. He would never have allowed the elaborate
preparations that Gregor required to orient himself and thus perhaps get through the door. On the contrary, with a peculiar
noise he now drove Gregor forwards as if there were
no obstacle. Behind Gregor the sound at this point was
no longer like the voice of only a single father. Now it was really no
longer a joke, and Gregor forced himself, come what
might, into the door. One side of his body was lifted up. He lay at an angle in
the door opening. His one flank was sore with the scraping. On the white door
ugly blotches were left. Soon he was stuck fast and would have not been able to
move any more on his own. The tiny legs on one side hung twitching in the air
above, and the ones on the other side were pushed painfully into the floor. Then his father gave him one
really strong liberating push from behind, and he scurried, bleeding severely,
far into the interior of his room. The door was slammed shut with the cane, and
finally it was quiet.
II
Gregor
first woke up from his heavy swoon-like sleep in the evening twilight. He would
certainly have woken up soon afterwards without any disturbance, for he felt
himself sufficiently rested and wide awake, although it appeared to him as if a
hurried step and a cautious closing of the door to the hall had aroused him.
Light from the electric streetlamps lay pale here and there on the ceiling and
on the higher parts of the furniture, but underneath around Gregor
it was dark. He pushed
himself slowly toward the door, still groping awkwardly with his feelers, which
he now learned to value for the first time, to check what was happening there.
His left side seemed one single long unpleasantly stretched scar, and he really
had to hobble on his two rows of legs. In addition, one small leg had been
seriously wounded in the course of the morning incident—it was almost a
miracle that only one had been hurt—and dragged lifelessly behind.
By
the door he first noticed what had really lured him there: it was the smell of
something to eat. A bowl stood there, filled with sweetened milk, in which swam
tiny pieces of white bread. He almost laughed with joy, for he now had a much
greater hunger than in the morning, and he immediately dipped his head almost
up to and over his eyes down into the milk. But he soon drew it back again in
disappointment, not just because it was difficult for him to eat on account of
his delicate left side—he could eat only if his entire panting body
worked in a coordinated way—but also because the milk, which otherwise was his favorite drink and
which his sister had certainly placed there for that reason, did not appeal to
him at all. He turned away from the bowl almost with aversion and crept
back into the middle of the room.
In
the living room, as Gregor saw through the crack in
the door, the gas was lit, but where, on other occasions at this time of day,
his father was accustomed to read the afternoon newspaper in a loud voice to
his mother and sometimes also to his sister, at the moment no sound was audible.
Now, perhaps this reading aloud, about which his sister had always spoken and
written to him, had recently fallen out of their general routine. But it was so
still all around, in spite of the fact that the apartment was certainly not
empty. “What a quiet life
the family leads,” said Gregor to himself, and, as he
stared fixedly out in front of him into the darkness, he felt a great pride
that he had been able to provide such a life in a beautiful apartment like this
for his parents and his sister. But how would things go if now all tranquility,
all prosperity, all contentment should come to a horrible end? In order
not to lose himself in such thoughts, Gregor
preferred to set himself moving, so he crawled up and down in his room.
Once
during the long evening one side door and then the other door were opened just
a tiny crack and quickly closed again. Someone presumably needed to come in but
had then thought better of it. Gregor immediately
took up a position by the living room door, determined to bring in the hesitant
visitor somehow or other or at least to find out who it might be. But now the
door was not opened any more, and Gregor waited in
vain. Earlier, when the door had been barred, they had all wanted to come in to
him; now, when he had opened one door and when the others had obviously been
opened during the day, no one came any more, and now the keys were stuck in the
locks on the outside.
The
light in the living room was turned off only late at night, and it was easy to
establish that his parents and his sister had stayed awake all this time, for
one could hear them clearly as all three moved away on tiptoe. Now it was
certain that no one would come in to Gregor any more
until the morning. Thus, he had a long time to think undisturbed about how he
should reorganize his life from scratch. But the high, open room, in which he was compelled to lie
flat on the floor, made him anxious, without his being able to figure out the
reason, for he had lived in the room for five years. With a half
unconscious turn and not without a little shame he scurried under the couch, where, in spite of
the fact that his back was a little cramped and he could no longer lift up his
head, he felt very
comfortable and was sorry only that his body was too wide to fit completely
under it.
There
he remained the entire night, which he spent partly in a state of semi-sleep,
out of which his hunger constantly woke him with a start, but partly in a state
of worry and murky hopes, which all led to the conclusion that for the time being
he would have to keep calm and with patience and the greatest consideration for
his family tolerate the troubles which in his present condition he was now
forced to cause them.
Already
early in the morning—it was still almost night—Gregor had an opportunity to test the power of the
decisions he had just made, for his sister, almost fully dressed, opened the door from the hall
into his room and looked eagerly inside. She did not find him immediately, but
when she noticed him under the couch—God, he had to be somewhere or
other, for he could hardly fly away—she got such a shock that, without
being able to control herself, she slammed the door shut once again from the
outside. However, as if she was sorry for her behavior, she immediately opened
the door again and walked in on her tiptoes, as if she was in the presence of a
serious invalid or a total stranger. Gregor had
pushed his head forward just to the edge of the couch and was observing her.
Would she really notice that he had left the milk standing, not indeed from any
lack of hunger, and would she bring in something else to eat more suitable for
him? If she did not do it on her own, he would sooner starve to death than call
her attention to the fact, although he had a really powerful urge to move beyond
the couch, throw himself at his sister’s feet, and beg her for something or
other good to eat. But his sister noticed right away with astonishment that the
bowl was still full, with only a little milk spilled around it. She picked it
up immediately, although not with her bare hands but with a rag, and took it
out of the room. Gregor was extremely curious what
she would bring as a substitute, and he pictured to himself different ideas
about it. But he never could have guessed what his sister out of the goodness
of her heart in fact did. To
test his taste, she brought him an entire selection, all spread out on an old
newspaper. There were old half-rotten vegetables, bones from the evening meal,
covered with a white sauce which had almost solidified, some raisins and
almonds, cheese which Gregor had declared inedible
two days earlier, a slice of dry bread, and a slice of salted bread smeared
with butter. In addition to all this, she put down a bowl—probably
designated once and for all as Gregor’s—into
which she had poured some water. And out of her delicacy of feeling,
since she knew that Gregor would not eat in front of
her, she went away very quickly and even turned the key in the lock, so that Gregor would now know that he could make himself as
comfortable as he wished. Gregor’s small limbs buzzed
now that the time for eating had come. His wounds must, in any case, have
already healed completely. He felt no handicap on that score. He was astonished
at that and thought about how more than a month ago he had cut his finger
slightly with a knife and how this wound had hurt enough even the day before
yesterday.
“Am
I now going to be less sensitive,” he thought, already sucking greedily on the
cheese, which had strongly attracted him right away, more than all the other
foods. Quickly and with
his eyes watering with satisfaction, he ate one after the other the cheese, the
vegetables, and the sauce. The fresh food, by contrast, did not taste good to
him. He could not bear the smell and even carried the things he wanted to eat a
little distance away. By the time his sister slowly turned the key as a
sign that he should withdraw, he was long finished and now lay lazily in the
same spot. The noise immediately startled him, in spite of the fact that he was
already almost asleep, and he scurried back again under the couch. But it cost
him great self-control to remain under the couch, even for the short time his
sister was in the room, because his body had filled out somewhat on account of
the rich meal and in the narrow space there he could scarcely breathe. In the
midst of minor attacks of asphyxiation, he looked at her with somewhat
protruding eyes, as his unsuspecting sister swept up with a broom, not just the
remnants, but even the foods which Gregor had not
touched at all, as if these were also now useless, and as she dumped everything
quickly into a bucket, which she closed with a wooden lid, and then carried all
of it out of the room. She had hardly turned around before Gregor
had already dragged himself out from the couch, stretched out, and let his body
expand.
In this way Gregor
now got his food every day, once in the morning, when his parents and the servant girl were
still asleep,
and a second time after the common noon meal, for his parents were, as before,
asleep then for a little while, and the servant girl was sent off by his sister
on some errand or other. They certainly would not have
wanted Gregor to starve to death, but perhaps they
could not have endured finding out what he ate other than by hearsay. Perhaps
his sister wanted to spare them what was possibly only a small grief, for they
were really suffering quite enough already.
What
sorts of excuses people had used on that first morning to get the doctor and
the locksmith out of the house Gregor was completely
unable to ascertain. Since they could not understand him, no one, not even his
sister, thought that he might be able to understand others, and thus, when his
sister was in her room, he had to be content with listening now and then to her
sighs and invocations to the saints. Only later, when she had grown somewhat
accustomed to everything—naturally there could never be any talk of her
growing completely accustomed to it—Gregor
sometimes caught a comment which was intended to be friendly or could be interpreted
as such. “Well, today it tasted good to him,” she said, if Gregor
had really cleaned up what he had to eat; whereas, in the reverse situation,
which gradually repeated itself more and more frequently, she used to say
almost sadly, “Now everything has been left again.”
But
while Gregor could get no new information directly,
he did hear a good deal from the room next door, and as soon as he heard
voices, he scurried right away to the appropriate door and pressed his entire
body against it. In the early days especially, there was no conversation which
was not concerned with him in some way or other, even if only in secret. For
two days at all meal times discussions of that subject could be heard on how
people should now behave; but they also talked about the same subject in the
times between meals, for there were always at least two family members at home,
since no one really wanted to remain in the house alone and people could not
under any circumstances leave the apartment completely empty. In addition, on
the very first day the
servant girl—it was not completely clear what and how much she
knew about what had happened—on her knees had begged his mother to let her go immediately, and
when she said good bye about fifteen minutes later, she thanked them for the
dismissal with tears in her eyes, as if she was receiving the greatest favor
which people had shown her there, and, without anyone demanding it from her,
she swore a fearful oath not to betray anyone, not even the slightest bit.
Now his sister had to team up with his
mother to do the cooking, although that did not create much
trouble because people were eating almost nothing. Again and again Gregor listened as one of them vainly invited another one
to eat and received no answer other than “Thank you. I’ve had
enough” or something like that. And perhaps they had stopped having
anything to drink, too. His sister often asked his father whether he wanted to
have a beer and gladly offered to fetch it herself, and when his father was
silent, she said, in order to remove any reservations he might have, that she
could send the caretaker’s wife to get it. But then his father finally said a
resounding “No,” and nothing more would be spoken
about it.
Already
during the first day his father laid out all the financial circumstances and
prospects to his mother and to his sister as well. From time to time he stood
up from the table and pulled out of the small lockbox salvaged from his
business, which had collapsed five years previously, some document or other or a
notebook. The sound was audible as he opened up the complicated lock and, after
removing what he was looking for, locked it up again. These explanations by his
father were, in part, the first enjoyable thing that Gregor
had the chance to listen to since his imprisonment. He had thought that nothing at all was left over
for his father from that business; at least his father had told him nothing to
contradict that view, and Gregor in any case hadn’t
asked him about it. At the time Gregor’s only concern
had been to use everything he had in order to allow his family to forget as
quickly as possible the business misfortune which had brought them all into a
state of complete hopelessness. And so at that point he had started to
work with a special intensity and from an assistant had become, almost
overnight, a travelling salesman, who naturally had entirely different
possibilities for earning money and whose successes at work were converted immediately
into the form of cash commissions, which could be set out on the table at home
in front of his astonished and delighted family.
Those had been beautiful days, and they
had never come back afterwards, at
least not with the same splendor, in spite of the fact that Gregor later earned
so much money that he was in a position to bear the expenses of the entire
family, costs which he, in fact, did bear. They had become quite
accustomed to it, both the family and Gregor as well.
They took the money with thanks, and he happily surrendered it, but the special
warmth was no longer present. Only the sister had remained still close to Gregor,
and it was his secret plan to send her next year to the Conservatory,
regardless of the great expense which that necessarily involved and which would
be made up in other ways. In contrast to Gregor, she
loved music very much and knew how to play the violin charmingly. Now and then
during Gregor’s short stays in the city the
Conservatory was mentioned in conversations with his sister, but always
only as a beautiful dream, whose realization was unimaginable, and their
parents never listened to these innocent expectations with pleasure. But Gregor thought about them with scrupulous consideration and
intended to explain the matter in all seriousness on Christmas Eve.
In
his present situation, such futile ideas went through his head, while he pushed
himself right up against the door and listened. Sometimes in his general
exhaustion he could not listen any more and let his
head bang listlessly against the door, but he immediately pulled himself
together, for even the small sound which he made by this motion was heard near by and silenced everyone. “There he goes on again,”
said his father after a while, clearly turning towards the door, and only then
would the interrupted conversation gradually be resumed again.
Gregor
found out clearly enough—for his father tended to repeat himself often
in his explanations, partly because he had not personally concerned himself
with these matters for a long time now, and partly also because his mother did
not understand everything right away the first time—that, in spite all bad luck, a
fortune, although a very small one, was available from the old times, which the
interest, which had not been touched, had in the intervening time gradually
allowed to increase a little. Furthermore, in addition to this, the money which
Gregor had brought home every month—he had
kept only a few florins for himself—had not been completely spent and
had grown into a small capital amount. Gregor,
behind his door, nodded eagerly, rejoicing over this unanticipated foresight
and frugality. True, with this excess money, he could have paid off more of his
father’s debt to his employer and the day on which he could be rid of this
position would have been a lot closer, but now things were doubtless better the
way his father had arranged them.
At
the moment, however, this
money was not nearly sufficient to permit the family to live on the interest
payments. Perhaps it would be enough to maintain the family for one or
at most two years, that was all. Thus, it only added up to an amount which one
should not really draw upon and which must be set aside for an emergency. But the money to live on had to
be earned. Now, although his father was old, he was a healthy man who had not
worked at all for five years and thus could not be counted on for very much. He
had in these five years, the first holidays of his trouble-filled but
unsuccessful life, put on a good deal of fat and thus had become really heavy.
And should his old mother now perhaps work for money, a woman who suffered from
asthma, for whom wandering through the apartment even now was a great strain
and who spent every second day on the sofa by the open window laboring for breath?
Should his sister earn money, a girl who was still a seventeen-year-old child
whose earlier life style had been so very delightful that it had consisted of
dressing herself nicely, sleeping in late, helping around the house, taking
part in a few modest enjoyments and, above all, playing the violin? When it
came to talking about this need to earn money, at first Gregor
went away from the door and threw himself on the cool leather sofa beside the
door, for he was quite hot from shame and sorrow.
Often
he lay there all night long, not sleeping at all, just scratching on the
leather for hours at a time. Or he undertook the very difficult task of pushing
a chair over to the window. Then he crept up on the window sill and, braced on
the chair, leaned against the window to look out, obviously with some memory or
other of the satisfaction which looking out the window used to bring him in
earlier times. For from
day to day he perceived things with less and less clarity, even those a short
distance away: the hospital across the street, the all-too-frequent sight of
which he had previously cursed, was not visible at all anymore, and if he had
not been very well aware that he lived in the quiet but completely urban
Charlotte Street, he could have believed that from his window he was peering
out at a featureless wasteland, in which the grey heaven and the grey
earth had merged and were indistinguishable. His attentive sister must have
observed a couple of times that the chair stood by the window; then, after
cleaning up the room, each time she pushed the chair back right against the
window and from now on she even left the inner casement open.
If
Gregor had only been able to speak to his sister and
thank her for everything that she had to do for him, he would have tolerated
her service more easily. As it was, he suffered under it. The sister admittedly
sought to cover up the awkwardness of everything as much as possible, and, as
time went by, she naturally became more successful at it. But with the passing
of time Gregor also came to understand everything
more clearly. Even her entrance was terrible for him. As soon as she came in,
she ran straight to the window, without taking the time to shut the door, in
spite of the fact that she was otherwise very considerate in sparing anyone the
sight of Gregor’s room, and yanked the window open
with eager hands, as if she was almost suffocating, and remained for a while by
the window breathing deeply, even when it was still so cold. With this running
and noise she frightened Gregor twice every day. The
entire time he trembled under the couch, and yet he knew very well that she
would certainly have spared him gladly if it had only been possible to remain
with the window closed in a room where Gregor lived.
On
one occasion—about
one month had already gone by since Gregor’s
transformation, and there was now no particular reason any more for his sister
to be startled at Gregor’s appearance—she
arrived a little earlier than usual and came upon Gregor
as he was still looking out the window, immobile and well positioned to
frighten someone. It would not have come as a surprise to Gregor
if she had not come in, since his position was preventing her from opening the
window immediately. But not only did she not step inside; she even retreated
and shut the door. A stranger really might have concluded from this that Gregor had been lying in wait for her and wanted to bite
her. Of course, Gregor immediately concealed himself
under the couch, but he had to wait until the noon meal before his sister
returned, and she seemed much less calm than usual. From this he realized that his appearance
was still constantly intolerable to her and must remain intolerable in
future, and that she really had to exert a lot of self-control not to run away
from a glimpse of only the small part of his body which stuck out from under
the couch. In order to spare her even this sight, one day he dragged the sheet
on his back and onto the couch—this task took him four hours—and
arranged it in such a way that he was now completely concealed and his sister,
even if she bent down, could not see him. If this sheet was not necessary as
far as she was concerned, then she could remove it, for it was clear enough
that Gregor could not derive any pleasure from
isolating himself away so completely. But she left the sheet just as it was,
and Gregor believed he even caught a look of
gratitude when, on one occasion, he carefully lifted up the sheet a little with
his head to check, as his sister took stock of the new arrangement.
In
the first two weeks his parents could not bring themselves to visit him, and he
often heard how they fully acknowledged his sister’s present work; whereas,
earlier they had often got annoyed at his sister because she had seemed to them
a somewhat useless young woman. However, now both his father and his mother
often waited in front of Gregor’s door while his
sister cleaned up inside, and as soon as she came out, she had to explain in
detail how things looked in the room, what Gregor had
eaten, how he had behaved this time, and whether perhaps a slight improvement
was perceptible. In any event, his mother comparatively soon wanted to visit Gregor, but
his father and his sister restrained her, at first with reasons which Gregor listened to very attentively and which he completely
endorsed. Later, however, they had to hold her back forcefully, and when she
then cried “Let me go to Gregor. He’s my unlucky son! Don’t you understand that I
have to go to him?” Gregor then thought that
perhaps it would be a good thing if his mother came in, not every day, of
course, but maybe once a week. She understood everything much better than his
sister, who, in spite of all her courage, was still a child and, in the last
analysis, had perhaps undertaken such a difficult task only out of childish
recklessness.
Begin Second Day Here
Gregor’s
wish to see his mother was soon realized. While during the day Gregor, out of consideration for his parents, did not want to
show himself by the window, he could not crawl around very much on the few
square meters of the floor. He found it difficult to bear lying quietly during
the night, and soon eating no longer gave him the
slightest pleasure. So for
diversion he acquired the habit of crawling back and forth across the walls and
ceiling. He was especially fond of hanging from the ceiling. The experience was
quite different from lying on the floor. It was easier to breathe, a slight
vibration went through his body, and in the midst of the almost happy amusement
which Gregor found up there, it could happen that, to
his own surprise, he let go and hit the floor. However, now he naturally
controlled his body quite differently, and he did not injure himself in such a
great fall. His sister noticed immediately the new amusement which Gregor had found for himself—for as he crept around
he left behind here and there traces of his sticky stuff—and so she got
the idea of making Gregor’s creeping around as easy
as possible and thus of removing the furniture which got in the way, especially
the chest of drawers and the writing desk.
But
she was in no position to do this by herself. She did
not dare to ask her father to help, and the servant girl would certainly not
have assisted her, for although
this girl, about sixteen years old, had courageously remained since the
dismissal of the previous cook, she had begged for the privilege of
being allowed to stay permanently confined to the kitchen and of having to open
the door only in answer to a special summons. Thus, his sister had no other
choice but to involve his mother while his father was absent. His mother
approached Gregor’s room with cries of excited joy,
but she fell silent at the door. Of course, his sister first checked whether
everything in the room was in order. Only then did she let his mother walk in.
In great haste Gregor had drawn the sheet down even
further and wrinkled it more. The whole thing really looked just like a
coverlet thrown carelessly over the couch. On this occasion, Gregor held back from spying out from under the sheet.
Thus, he refrained from looking at his mother this time and was just happy that
she had come. “Come on; he’s not visible,” said his sister, and evidently led
his mother by the hand. Now Gregor listened as these
two weak women shifted the still heavy old chest of drawers from its position
and as his sister constantly took on herself the greater part of the work,
without listening to the warnings of his mother, who was afraid that she would
strain herself. The work lasted a long time. After about a quarter of an hour
had already gone by, his mother said it would be better if they left the chest
of drawers where it was, because, in the first place, it was too heavy: they
would not be finished before his father’s arrival, and leaving the chest of
drawers in the middle of the room would block all Gregor’s
pathways, but, in the second place, they could not be certain that Gregor would be pleased with the removal of the furniture.
To her the reverse seemed to be true; the sight of the empty walls pierced her
right to the heart, and why should Gregor not feel
the same, since he had been accustomed to the room furnishings for a long time
and would feel himself abandoned in an empty room?
“And
is it not the case,” his mother concluded very quietly, almost whispering as if
she wished to prevent Gregor, whose exact location
she really did not know, from hearing even the sound of her voice—for
she was convinced that he did not understand her words—“and isn’t it a fact
that by removing the furniture we’re showing that we’re giving up all hope of
an improvement and are leaving him to his own resources without any
consideration? I think it
would be best if we tried to keep the room exactly in the condition it was in
before, so that, when Gregor returns to us, he finds
everything unchanged and can forget the intervening time all the more easily.”
As
he heard his mother’s words Gregor realized that the
lack of all immediate human contact, together with the monotonous life
surrounded by the family over the course of these two months, must have
confused his understanding, because otherwise he could not explain to himself
how he, in all seriousness, could have been so keen to have his room emptied.
Was he really eager to let the warm room, comfortably furnished with pieces he
had inherited, be turned into a cavern in which he would, of course, then be
able to crawl about in all directions without disturbance, but at the same time
with a quick and complete forgetting of his human past as well? Was he then at
this point already on the verge of forgetting and was it only the voice of his
mother, which he had not heard for a long time, that
had aroused him? Nothing was to be removed—everything must remain. In his
condition he could not function without the beneficial influences of his
furniture. And if the furniture prevented him from carrying out his senseless
crawling about all over the place, then there was no harm in that, but rather a
great benefit.
But
his sister unfortunately thought otherwise. She had grown accustomed, certainly
not without justification, so far as the discussion of matters concerning Gregor was concerned, to act as an special expert with
respect to their parents, and so now the mother’s advice was for his sister
sufficient reason to insist on the removal, not only of the chest of drawers
and the writing desk, which were the only items she had thought about at first,
but also of all the furniture, with the exception of the indispensable couch.
Of course, it was not only childish defiance and her recent very unexpected and
hard won self-confidence which led her to this demand. She had also actually
observed that Gregor needed a great deal of room to
creep about; the furniture, on the other hand, as far as one could see, was not
the slightest use.
But
perhaps the enthusiastic sensibility of young women of her age also played a
role. This feeling sought release at every opportunity, and with it Grete now
felt tempted to want to make Gregor’s situation even
more terrifying, so that then she would be able to do even more for him than
now. For surely no one except Grete would ever trust themselves
to enter a room in which Gregor ruled the empty walls
all by himself. And so she did not let herself be dissuaded from her decision
by her mother, who in this room seemed uncertain of herself in her sheer
agitation and soon kept quiet, helping his sister with all her energy to get
the chest of drawers out of the room. Now, Gregor
could still do without the chest of drawers if need be, but the writing desk
really had to stay. And scarcely had the women left the room with the chest of
drawers, groaning as they pushed it, when Gregor
stuck his head out from under the sofa to see how he could intervene cautiously
and with as much consideration as possible. But unfortunately it was his mother
who came back into the room first, while Grete had her arms wrapped around the
chest of drawers in the next room and was rocking it back and forth by herself,
without moving it from its position. His mother was not used to the sight of Gregor; he could have made her ill, and so, frightened, Gregor scurried backwards right to the other end of the
sofa. But he could no longer prevent the sheet from moving forward a little.
That was enough to catch his mother’s attention. She came to a halt, stood
still for a moment, and then went back to Grete.
Although
Gregor kept repeating to himself over and over that
really nothing unusual was going on, that only a few pieces of furniture were
being rearranged, he soon had to admit to himself that the movements of the
women to and fro, their quiet conversations, and the scratching of the
furniture on the floor affected him like a great turbulent commotion on all
sides, and, so firmly was he pulling in his head and legs and pressing his body
into the floor, he had to tell himself unequivocally that he would not be able
to endure all this much longer. They were cleaning out his room, taking away
from him everything he cherished; they had already dragged out the chest of
drawers in which the fret saw and other tools were kept, and they were now
loosening the writing desk which was fixed tight to the floor, the desk on
which he, as a business student, a school student, indeed even as an elementary
school student, had written out his assignments. At that moment he really did
not have any more time to check the good intentions of the two women, whose
existence he had in any case almost forgotten, because in their exhaustion they
were working really silently, and the heavy stumbling of their feet was the
only sound to be heard.
And
so he scuttled out—the women were just propping themselves up on the
writing desk in the next room in order to take a breather—changing the
direction of his path four times. He really did not know what he should rescue
first. Then he saw hanging conspicuously on the wall, which was otherwise
already empty, the picture of
the woman dressed in nothing but fur. He quickly scurried up over it and
pressed himself against the glass which held it in place and which made his hot
abdomen feel good. At least this picture, which Gregor
at the moment completely concealed, surely no one would now take away. He twisted his head towards the
door of the living room to observe the women as they came back in.
They had not allowed themselves very
much rest and were coming back right away. Grete had placed her arm around her
mother and held her tightly. “So what shall we take now?” said Grete and looked around her. Then her glance met Gregor’s from the wall. She kept her composure only because
her mother was there. She bent her face towards her mother in order to prevent
her from looking around, and said, although in a trembling voice and too
quickly, “Come, wouldn’t it be better to go back to the living room for just
another moment?” Grete’s
purpose was clear to Gregor: she wanted to bring his
mother to a safe place and then chase him down from the wall. Well, let her
just try! He squatted on his picture and did not hand it over. He would sooner
spring into Grete’s face.
But
Grete’s words had immediately made the mother very uneasy. She walked to the
side, caught sight of the enormous brown splotch on the flowered wallpaper,
and, before she became truly aware that what she was looking at was Gregor, screamed out in a high-pitched raw voice “Oh God,
oh God” and fell with
outstretched arms, as if she was surrendering everything, down onto the couch
and lay there motionless. “Gregor, you. . .”
cried out his sister with a raised fist and an urgent glare. Since his transformation
these were the first words which she had directed right at him. She ran into
the room next door to bring some spirits or other with which she could revive
her mother from her fainting spell. Gregor wanted to
help as well—there was time enough to save the picture—but he was
stuck fast on the glass and had to tear himself loose forcibly. Then he also
scurried into the next room, as if he could give his sister some advice, as in
earlier times, but then he had to stand there idly behind her, while she
rummaged about among various small bottles. Still, she was frightened when she
turned around. A bottle fell onto the floor and shattered. A splinter of glass
wounded Gregor in the face, and some corrosive
medicine or other dripped over him. Now, without lingering any longer, Grete
took as many small bottles as she could hold and ran with them in to her
mother. She slammed the door shut with her foot. Gregor
was now shut off from his mother, who was perhaps near death, thanks to him. He
could not open the door, and he did not want to chase away his sister, who had
to remain with her mother. At this point he had nothing to do but wait, and,
overwhelmed with self-reproach and worry, he began to creep and crawl over
everything: walls, furniture, and ceiling. Finally, in his despair, as the
entire room started to spin around him, he fell onto the middle of the large
table.
A
short time elapsed. Gregor lay there limply. All
around was still. Perhaps that was a good sign. Then there was ring at the
door. The servant girl was naturally shut up in her kitchen, and therefore
Grete had to go to open the door. The father had arrived. “What’s happened?”
were his first words. Grete’s appearance had told him everything. Grete replied
with a dull voice; evidently she was pressing her face into her father’s chest:
“Mother fainted, but she’s getting better now. Gregor has broken loose.” “Yes, I have
expected that,” said his father, “I always warned you of that, but you women
don’t want to listen.”
It
was clear to Gregor that his father had badly
misunderstood Grete’s short message and was assuming that Gregor
had committed some violent crime or other. Thus, Gregor
now had to find his father to calm him down, for he had neither the time nor
the ability to explain things to him. And so he rushed away to the door of his
room and pushed himself against it, so that his father could see right away as
he entered from the hall that Gregor fully intended
to return at once to his room, that it was not necessary to drive him back, but
that one only needed to open the door, and he would disappear immediately.
But
his father was not in the mood to observe such niceties. “Ah!” he yelled as
soon as he entered, with a tone as if he were at once angry and pleased. Gregor pulled his head back from the door and raised it in
the direction of his father. He had not really pictured his father as he now
stood there. Of course, what with his new style of creeping all around, he had
in the past while neglected to pay attention to what was going on in the rest
of the apartment, as he had done before, and really should have grasped the
fact that he would encounter different conditions. And yet, and yet, was that
still his father? Was that
the same man who had lain exhausted and buried in bed in earlier days
when Gregor was setting out on a business trip, who
had received him on the evenings of his return in a sleeping gown and arm chair, totally incapable of
standing up, who had only lifted his arm as a sign of happiness, and who
in their rare strolls together a few Sundays a year and on the important
holidays made his way slowly forwards between Gregor
and his mother—who themselves moved slowly—always a bit more
slowly than them, bundled up in his old coat, all the time setting down his
walking stick carefully, and who, when he had wanted to say something, almost
always stood still and gathered his entourage around him?
But now he was standing up really
straight, dressed in a tight-fitting blue uniform with gold buttons, like the
ones servants wear in a banking company. Above the high stiff collar of his
jacket his firm double chin stuck out prominently, beneath his bushy eyebrows
the glance of his black eyes was fresh, penetrating, and alert, and his
usually dishevelled white hair was combed down into a
shining and carefully exact parting. He threw his cap, on which a gold
monogram, apparently the symbol of the bank, was affixed, in an arc across the
entire room onto the sofa and, thrusting back the edges of the long coat of his
uniform, with his hands in his trouser pockets and a grim face, moved right up
to Gregor.
He
really did not know what he had in mind, but he raised his foot uncommonly high
anyway, and Gregor was astonished at the gigantic
size of the sole of his boot. However, he did not linger on that point, for he
had known from the first day of his new life that, as far as he was concerned, his father considered the only
appropriate response to be the greatest force. And so he scurried away from
him, stopped when his father remained standing, and scampered forward again
when his father merely stirred. In this way they made their way around the room
repeatedly, without anything decisive taking place. In fact, because of the
slow pace, it did not look like a chase. Gregor
remained on the floor for the time being, especially since he was afraid that
his father might interpret a flight up onto the wall or the ceiling as an act
of real malice. At any event, Gregor had to tell
himself that he could not keep up this running around for a long time, because
whenever his father took a single step, he had to go through a large number of
movements. Already he was starting to suffer from a shortage of breath, just as
in his earlier days when his lungs had been quite unreliable. As he now
staggered around in this way in order to gather all his energies for running,
hardly keeping his eyes open and feeling so listless that he had no notion at
all of any escape other than by running and had almost already forgotten that
the walls were available to him, although they were obstructed by carefully
carved furniture full of sharp points and spikes, at that moment
something or other thrown casually flew close by and rolled in front of him. It was an apple. Immediately a
second one flew after it. Gregor stood still in
fright. Further running away was useless, for his father had decided to bombard
him.
From the fruit bowl on the sideboard
his father had filled his pockets. And now, without for the moment taking
accurate aim, he was throwing apple after apple. These small red apples rolled
around on the floor, as if electrified, and collided with each other. A weakly
thrown apple grazed Gregor’s back but skidded off
harmlessly. However, another thrown
immediately after that one drove into Gregor’s back
really hard. Gregor wanted to drag himself off, as if
the unexpected and incredible pain would go away if he changed his position. But he felt as if he was nailed in place and lay stretched
out completely confused in all his senses. Only with his final glance did he
notice how the door of his room was pulled open and how, right in front of his
screaming sister, his mother ran out in her under bodice, for his sister
had loosened her clothing in order to give her some freedom to breathe in her
fainting spell, and so how his mother then ran up to his father—on the way her
loosened petticoats slipping toward the floor one after the other—and how,
tripping over them, she hurled herself onto his father and, throwing her arms
around him, in complete union with him—but at this moment Gregor’s
powers of sight gave way—as her hands reached around his father’s neck and she
begged him to spare Gregor’s life.
III
Gregor’s serious wound, from
which he suffered for over a month—since no one ventured to remove the
apple, it remained in his flesh as a visible reminder—seemed by itself to have
reminded the father that, in spite of his present unhappy and hateful
appearance, Gregor was a member of the family and
should not be treated as an enemy, and that it was, on the contrary, a
requirement of family duty to suppress one’s aversion and to endure—nothing
else, just endure. And if through his wound Gregor had now apparently lost for good his ability to move
and for the time being needed many, many minutes to crawl across his room, like
an aged invalid—so far as creeping up high was concerned, that was
unimaginable—nevertheless for this worsening of his condition, in his view he
did get completely satisfactory compensation, because every day towards evening
the door to the living room, which he was in the habit of keeping a sharp eye
on even one or two hours beforehand, was opened, so that he, lying down in the
darkness of his room, invisible from the living room, could see the entire
family at the illuminated table and listen to their conversation, to a certain
extent with their common permission, a situation quite different from what had
happened before.
Of course, it was no longer the
animated social interaction of former times, which in small hotel rooms Gregor had always thought about with a certain longing,
when, tired out, he had had to throw himself into the
damp bedclothes. For the most part what went on now was very quiet. After the
evening meal, the father fell asleep quickly in his arm chair. The mother and
sister talked guardedly to each other in the stillness. Bent far over, the mother
sewed fine undergarments for a fashion shop. The sister, who had taken on a job
as a salesgirl, in the evening studied stenography and French, so as perhaps later
to obtain a better position. Sometimes the father woke up and, as if he was
quite ignorant that he had been asleep, said to the mother “How long you have
been sewing today?” and went right back to sleep, while the mother and the
sister smiled tiredly to each other.
With a sort of stubbornness the father
refused to take off his servant’s uniform even at home, and while his sleeping
gown hung unused on the coat hook, the father dozed completely dressed in his
place, as if he was always ready for his responsibility and even here was
waiting for the voice of his superior. As
a result, in spite of all the care from the mother and sister, his uniform,
which even at the start was not new, grew dirty, and Gregor
looked, often for the entire evening, at this clothing, with stains all over it
and with its gold buttons always polished, in which the old man, although very
uncomfortable, slept peacefully nonetheless.
As
soon as the clock struck ten, the mother tried gently encouraging the father to
wake up and then persuading him to go to bed, on the ground that he could not
get a proper sleep here and that the father, who had to report for service at
six o’clock, really needed a good sleep. But in his stubbornness, which had
gripped him since he had become a servant, he insisted always on staying even
longer by the table, although he regularly fell asleep and then could only be
prevailed upon with the greatest difficulty to trade his chair for the bed. No
matter how much the mother and sister might at that point work on him with
small admonitions, for a quarter of an hour he would remain shaking his head
slowly, his eyes closed, without standing up. The mother would pull him by the
sleeve and speak flattering words into his ear; the sister would leave her work
to help her mother, but that would not have the desired effect on the father.
He would settle himself even more deeply in his arm chair. Only when the two
women grabbed him under the armpits would he throw his eyes open, look back and
forth at the mother and sister, and habitually say “This is a life. This is the
peace and quiet of my old age.” And propped up by both women, he would heave
himself up elaborately, as if for him it was the greatest trouble, allow
himself to be led to the door by the women, wave them away, and proceed on his
own from there, while the mother quickly threw down her sewing implements and
the sister her pen in order to run after the father and help him some more.
In this overworked and exhausted family
who had time to worry any longer about Gregor more
than was absolutely necessary? The household was constantly getting smaller.
The servant girl was now let go. A huge bony cleaning woman with white hair
flying all over her head came in the morning and evening to do the heaviest
work. The mother took care of everything
else in addition to her considerable sewing work. It even happened that various
pieces of family jewellery, which previously the
mother and sister had been overjoyed to wear on social and festive occasions,
were sold, as Gregor found out in the evening from
the general discussion of the prices they had fetched. But the greatest complaint was always that they
could not leave this apartment, which was too big for their present means,
since it was impossible to imagine how Gregor might
be moved. But Gregor fully recognized that it was not
just consideration for him which was preventing a move, for he could have been
transported easily in a suitable box with a few air holes. The main
thing holding the family back from a change in living quarters was far more
their complete hopelessness and the idea that they had been struck by a
misfortune like no one else in their entire circle of relatives and
acquaintances.
What
the world demands of poor people they now carried out to an extreme degree. The
father bought breakfast to the petty officials at the bank, the mother
sacrificed herself for the undergarments of strangers, the sister behind her
desk was at the beck and call of customers, but the family’s energies did not
extend any further. And the wound in his back began to pain Gregor
all over again, when now mother and sister, after they had escorted the father
to bed, came back, let their work lie, moved close together, and sat cheek to
cheek and when his mother would now say, pointing to Gregor’s
room, “Close the door, Grete,” and when Gregor was
again in the darkness, while close by the women mingled their tears or, quite
dry eyed, stared at the table.
Gregor spent his nights and
days with hardly any sleep.
Sometimes he thought that the next time the door opened he would take over the
family arrangements just as he had earlier. In his imagination appeared again,
after a long time, his employer and supervisor and the apprentices, the
excessively spineless custodian, two or three friends from other businesses, a
chambermaid from a hotel in the provinces, a loving fleeting memory, a female
cashier from a hat shop, whom he had seriously but too slowly courted—they all
appeared mixed in with strangers or people he had already forgotten, but
instead of helping him and his family, they were all unapproachable, and he was
happy to see them disappear.
But
then he was in no mood to worry about his family. He was filled with sheer anger
over the wretched care he was getting, even though he could not imagine
anything which he might have an appetite for. Still, he made plans about how he
could take from the larder what he at all account
deserved, even if he was not hungry. Without thinking any more about how they might be able to give Gregor special pleasure, the sister now kicked some food or
other very quickly into his room in the morning and at noon, before she ran off
to her shop. And in the evening, quite indifferent to whether the food
had perhaps only been tasted or, what happened most frequently, remained
entirely undisturbed, she whisked it out with one
sweep of her broom. The task of cleaning his room, which she now always carried
out in the evening, could not have been done any more quickly. Streaks of dirt
ran along the walls; here and there lay tangles of dust and garbage. At first,
when his sister arrived, Gregor positioned himself in
a particularly filthy corner in order with this posture to make something of a
protest. But he could well have stayed there for weeks without his sister’s
changing her ways. In fact, she perceived the dirt as much as he did, but she
had decided just to let it stay.
In
this business, with a touchiness which was quite new to her and which had generally
taken over the entire family, she kept watch to see that the cleaning of Gregor’s room remained reserved for her. His mother had
once undertaken a major clean up of his room, which she had only completed
successfully after using a few buckets of water. But the extensive dampness
made Gregor sick, and he lay supine, embittered and
immobile on the couch. However, the mother’s punishment was not delayed for
long. For in the evening the sister had hardly observed the change in Gregor’s room before she ran into the living room mightily
offended and, in spite of her mother’s hand lifted high in entreaty, broke out
in a fit of crying. Her parents—the father had, of course, woken up with
a start in his arm chair—at first looked at her astonished and helpless,
until they started to get agitated. Turning to his right, the father heaped
reproaches on the mother that she was not to take over the cleaning of Gregor’s room from the sister and, turning to his left, he
shouted at the sister that she would no longer be allowed to clean Gregor’s room ever again, while the mother tried to pull
the father, beside himself in his excitement, into the bed room. The sister,
shaken by her crying fit, pounded on the table with her tiny fists, and Gregor hissed at all this, angry that no one thought about
shutting the door and sparing him the sight of this commotion.
But
even when the sister, exhausted from her daily work, had grown tired of caring
for Gregor as she had before, even then the mother
did not have to come at all in her place. And Gregor
did not have to be neglected. For now the cleaning woman was there. This old widow,
whose bony frame had enabled her to survive the worst a long life can offer,
had no real horror of Gregor. Without being in the
least curious, she had once by chance opened Gregor’s
door. At the sight of Gregor, who, totally surprised,
began to scamper here and there, although no one was chasing him, she remained
standing with her hands folded across her stomach staring at him. Since then
she did not fail to open the door furtively a little every morning and evening
to look in on Gregor. At first, she also called him
to her with words which she presumably thought were friendly, like “Come here
for a bit, old dung beetle!” or
“Hey, look at the old dung beetle!” Addressed in such a manner, Gregor made no answer, but remained motionless in his
place, as if the door had not been opened at all. If only, instead of allowing
this cleaning woman to disturb him uselessly whenever she felt like it, they
had given her orders to clean up his room every day! One day in the early
morning—a hard downpour, perhaps already a sign of the coming spring,
struck the window panes—when the cleaning woman started up once again
with her usual conversation, Gregor was so bitter that
he turned towards her, as if for an attack, although slowly and weakly. But
instead of being afraid of him, the cleaning woman merely lifted up a chair
standing close by the door and, as she stood there with her mouth wide open,
her intention was clear: she would close her mouth only when the chair in her
hand had been thrown down on Gregor’s back. “This
goes no further, all right?” she asked, as Gregor turned himself around again, and she placed the
chair calmly back in the corner.
Gregor
ate hardly anything any more. Only when he chanced to
move past the food which had been prepared did he, as a game, take a bit into
his mouth, hold it there for hours, and generally spit it out again. At first
he thought it might be his sadness over the condition of his room which kept
him from eating, but he very soon became reconciled to the alterations in his
room. People had grown accustomed to discard in his room things which they
could not put anywhere else, and at this point there were many such things, now that they had rented one
room of the apartment to three lodgers. These solemn gentlemen—all
three had full beards, as Gregor once found out
through a crack in the door—were meticulously intent on tidiness, not
only in their own room but, since they had now rented a room here, in the
entire household, particularly in the kitchen. They simply did not tolerate any
useless or shoddy stuff. Moreover, for the most part they had brought with them
their own pieces of furniture. Thus, many items had become superfluous, and
these were not really things one could sell or things people wanted to throw
out. All these items ended up in Gregor’s room, even
the box of ashes and the garbage pail from the kitchen. The cleaning woman,
always in a hurry, simply flung anything that was momentarily useless into Gregor’s room. Fortunately Gregor
generally saw only the relevant object and the hand which held it. The cleaning
woman perhaps was intending, when time and opportunity allowed, to take the
stuff out again or to throw everything out all at once, but in fact the things
remained lying there, wherever they had ended up at the first throw, unless Gregor squirmed his way through the accumulation of junk
and moved it. At first he was forced to do this because otherwise there was no
room for him to creep around, but later he did it with a growing pleasure,
although after such movements, tired to death and feeling wretched, he did not
budge again for hours.
Because the lodgers sometimes also took
their evening meal at home in the common living room, the door to it stayed
shut on many evenings. But Gregor
had no trouble at all going without the open door. Already on many evenings
when it was open he had not availed himself of it, but, without the family
noticing, was stretched out in the darkest corner of his room. However, on one occasion the
cleaning woman had left the door to the living room slightly ajar, and it
remained open even when the lodgers came in as evening fell and the lights were
put on. They sat down at the head of the table, where in earlier days the
mother, the father, and Gregor had eaten, unfolded
their serviettes, and picked up their knives and forks. The mother immediately
appeared in the door with a dish of meat and right behind her the sister with a
dish piled high with potatoes. The food gave off a lot of steam. The gentlemen
lodgers bent over the plate set before them, as if they wanted to check it
before eating, and in fact the one who sat in the middle—for the other
two he seemed to serve as the authority—cut off a piece of meat still on
the plate, obviously to establish whether it was sufficiently tender and
whether or not something should be sent back to the kitchen. He was satisfied, and mother and sister, who had looked on in
suspense, began to breathe easily and to smile.
The family itself ate in the kitchen. In spite of that, before the father went into the kitchen,
he came into the living room and with a single bow, cap in hand, made a tour of the table. The lodgers rose up collectively
and murmured something into their beards. Then, when they were alone,
they ate almost in complete silence. It seemed odd to Gregor
that, out of all the many different sorts of sounds of eating, what was always audible was their chewing teeth, as if by that Gregor should be shown that people needed their teeth to
eat and that nothing could be done even with the most handsome toothless
jawbone. “I really do have
an appetite,” Gregor said to himself sorrowfully,
“but not for these things. How these lodgers stuff themselves,
and I am dying.”
On this very evening the violin sounded
from the kitchen. Gregor
did not remember hearing it all through this period. The lodgers had already
ended their night meal, the middle one had pulled out a newspaper and had given
each of the other two a page, and they were now leaning back, reading and
smoking. When the violin started playing, they became attentive, got up, and
went on tiptoe to the hall door, at which they remained standing pressed up
against one another. They must have been audible from the kitchen, because the
father called out, “Perhaps the gentlemen don’t like the playing? It can be
stopped at once.” “On the
contrary,” stated the lodger in the middle, “might the young woman not come
into us and play in the room here, where it is really much more comfortable and
cheerful?” “Oh, thank you,” cried out the father, as if he were the one
playing the violin. The men stepped back into the room and waited. Soon the
father came with the music stand, the mother with the sheet music, and the sister
with the violin. The
sister calmly prepared everything for the recital. The parents, who had
never previously rented a room and therefore exaggerated their politeness to
the lodgers, dared not sit on their own chairs. The father leaned against the door,
his right hand stuck between two buttons of his buttoned-up uniform. The
mother, however, accepted a chair offered by one of the lodgers. Since she let
the chair stay where the gentleman had chanced to put it, she sat to one side
in a corner.
The sister began to play. The father and mother, one on each side, followed
attentively the movements of her hands. Attracted by the playing, Gregor had ventured to advance a little further forward and
his head was already in the living room. He scarcely wondered about the fact
that recently he had had so little consideration for the others. Earlier this
consideration had been something he was proud of. And for that very reason he
would have had at this moment more reason to hide away, because as a result of
the dust which lay all over his room and flew around with the slightest
movement, he was totally covered in dirt. On his back and his sides he carted
around with him dust, threads, hair, and remnants of food. His indifference to
everything was much too great for him to lie on his
back and scour himself on the carpet, as he often had done earlier during the
day. In spite of his
condition he had no timidity about inching forward a bit on the spotless floor
of the living room.
In
any case, no one paid him any attention. The family was all caught up in the
violin playing. The lodgers, by contrast, who for the moment had placed
themselves, hands in their trouser pockets, behind the music stand much too
close to the sister, so that they could all see the sheet music, something that
must certainly have bothered the sister, soon drew back to the window
conversing in low voices with bowed heads, where they then remained, anxiously
observed by the father. It
now seemed really clear that, having assumed they were to hear a beautiful or
entertaining violin recital, they were disappointed and were allowing their
peace and quiet to be disturbed only out of politeness. The way in which they
all blew the smoke from their cigars out of their noses and mouths in
particular led one to conclude that they were very irritated. And yet his
sister was playing so beautifully. Her face was turned to the side, her
eyes following the score intently and sadly. Gregor
crept forward still a little further, keeping his head close against the floor
in order to be able to catch her gaze if possible. Was he an animal that music
so captivated him? For him it was as if the way to the unknown nourishment he
craved was revealing itself. He
was determined to press forward right up to his sister, to tug at her
dress, and to indicate to her in this way that she might still come with her
violin into his room, because here no one valued the recital as he wanted to
value it. He did not wish to let her go from his room any more, at least not so
long as he lived. His frightening appearance would for the first time become
useful for him. He wanted to be at all the doors of his room simultaneously and
snarl back at the attackers. However, his sister should not be compelled
but would remain with him voluntarily. She would sit next to him on the sofa,
bend down her ear to him, and he would then confide in her that he firmly
intended to send her to
the Conservatory and that, if his misfortune had not arrived in the
interim, he would have declared all this last Christmas—had Christmas
really already come and gone?—and would have brooked no argument. After this explanation his sister
would break out in tears of emotion, and Gregor would
lift himself up to her armpit and kiss her throat, which she, from the time she
had started going to work, had left exposed without a band or a collar.
“Mr. Samsa,”
called out the middle lodger to the father and, without uttering a further
word, pointed his index finger at Gregor as he was
moving slowly forward. The violin fell silent. The middle
lodger smiled, first shaking his head once at his friends, and then looked down
at Gregor once more. Rather than driving Gregor back again, the father seemed to consider it of
prime importance to calm down the lodgers, although they were not at all upset
and Gregor seemed to entertain them more than the
violin recital. The father hurried over to them and with outstretched arms
tried to push them into their own room and simultaneously to block their view
of Gregor with his own body. At this point they
became really somewhat irritated, although one no longer knew whether that was
because of the father’s behavior or because of knowledge they had just acquired
that they had, without being aware of it, a neighbor like Gregor.
They demanded explanations from his father, raised their arms to make their
points, tugged agitatedly at their beards, and moved back towards their room
quite slowly.
In
the meantime, the isolation which had suddenly fallen upon his sister after the
unexpected breaking off of the recital had overwhelmed her. She had held onto
the violin and bow in her limp hands for a little
while and had continued to look at the sheet music as if she was still playing.
All at once she pulled herself together, placed the instrument in her mother’s
lap—the mother was still sitting in her chair having trouble breathing,
for her lungs were laboring—and had run into the next room, which the
lodgers, pressured by the father, were already approaching more rapidly. One
could observe how under the sister’s practiced hands the covers and pillows on
the beds were thrown high and then rearranged. Even before the lodgers had
reached the room, she had finished fixing the beds and was slipping out. The
father seemed once again so gripped by his stubbornness that he forgot about
the respect which he must always show his lodgers. He pressed on and on, until
at the door of the room the middle gentleman stamped loudly with his foot and
thus brought the father to a standstill. “I hereby declare,” the middle lodger said, raising his
hand and casting his glance both on the mother and the sister, “that
considering the disgraceful conditions prevailing in this apartment and
family”—with this he spat decisively on the floor—“I immediately cancel my
room. I will, of course, pay nothing at all for the days which I have lived
here; on the contrary, I shall think about whether or not I will initiate some
sort of action against you, something which—believe me—will be
very easy to establish.” He fell silent and looked directly in front of
him, as if he was waiting for something. In fact, his two friends immediately
joined in with their opinions, “We also give immediate notice.” At that he
seized the door handle, banged the door shut, and locked it.
The
father groped his way tottering to his chair and let himself
fall in it. It looked as if he was stretching out for his usual evening snooze,
but the heavy nodding of his head, which appeared as if it had no support,
showed that he was not sleeping at all. Gregor had lain motionless the entire
time in the spot where the lodgers had caught him. Disappointment with the
collapse of his plan and perhaps also weakness brought on by his severe hunger
made it impossible for him to move. He was certainly afraid that they
might launch a combined attack against him at any moment, and he waited. He was
not even startled when the violin fell from the mother’s lap, out from under
her trembling fingers, and gave off a reverberating tone.
“My dear parents,” said the sister
banging her hand on the table by way of an introduction, “things cannot go on
any longer in this way. Maybe if you don’t understand that, well, I do. I will
not utter my brother’s name in front of this monster, and thus I say only that
we must try to get rid of it. We have tried what is humanly possible to take
care of it and to be patient. I believe that no one can criticize us in the
slightest.” “She is right in a thousand ways,” said the father to himself. The
mother, who was still incapable of breathing properly, began to cough numbly
with her hand held up over her mouth and a manic expression in her eyes.
The
sister hurried over to her mother and held her forehead. The sister’s words
seemed to have led the father to certain reflections. He sat upright, played
with his hat among the plates, which still lay on the table from the lodgers’
evening meal, and looked now and then at the motionless Gregor.
“We must try to get rid of it,” the
sister now said decisively to the father, for the mother, in her coughing fit,
was not listening to anything. “It is killing you both. I see it coming. When
people have to work as hard as we all do, they cannot also tolerate this
endless torment at home. I just can’t go on any more.” And she broke out into
such a crying fit that her tears flowed out down onto her mother’s face. She
wiped them off her mother with mechanical motions of her hands.
“Child,”
said the father sympathetically and with obvious appreciation, “then what
should we do?”
The
sister only shrugged her shoulders as a sign of the perplexity which, in
contrast to her previous confidence, had come over her while she was crying.
“If
only he understood us,” said the father in a semi-questioning tone. The sister,
in the midst of her sobbing, shook her hand energetically as a sign that there
was no point thinking of that.
“If
he only understood us,” repeated the father and by shutting his eyes he
absorbed the sister’s conviction of the impossibility of this point, “then
perhaps some compromise would be possible with him. But as it is. . .”
“It has to go,” cried the sister. “That
is the only way, father. You must try to get rid of the idea that this is Gregor. The fact that we have believed
this for so long, that is truly our real misfortune. But how can it be Gregor? If it were Gregor, he would
have long ago realized that a communal life among human beings is not possible
with such a creature and would have gone away voluntarily. Then we would not have a brother, but we could go on living
and honour his memory. But this animal plagues us. It
drives away the lodgers, will obviously take over the entire apartment, and
leave us to spend the night in the lane. Just look, father,” she suddenly cried
out, “he’s already starting up again.” With a fright which was totally
incomprehensible to Gregor, the sister even left the
mother, pushed herself away from her chair, as if she would sooner sacrifice
her mother than remain in Gregor’s vicinity, and
rushed behind her father who, excited merely by her behaviour,
also stood up and half raised his arms in front of the sister as though to
protect her.
But
Gregor did not have any notion of wishing to create
problems for anyone and certainly not for his sister. He had just started to
turn himself around in order to creep back into his room, quite a startling sight,
since, as a result of his suffering condition, he had to guide himself through
the difficulty of turning around with his head, in this process lifting and
banging it against the floor several times. He paused and looked around. His
good intentions seem to have been recognized. The fright had lasted only for a
moment. Now they looked at him in silence and sorrow. His mother lay in her
chair, with her legs stretched out and pressed together, her eyes almost shut
from weariness. The father and sister sat next to one another. The sister had
put her hands around the father’s neck.
“Now
perhaps I can actually turn myself around,” thought Gregor
and began the task again. He couldn’t stop puffing at the effort and had to
rest now and then.
Besides,
no one was urging him on. It was all left to him on his own. When he had
completed turning around, he immediately began to wander straight back. He was
astonished at the great distance which separated him from his room and did not
understand in the least how in his weakness he had covered the same distance a
short time before, almost without noticing it. Always intent only on creeping
along quickly, he hardly paid any attention to the fact that no word or cry
from his family interrupted him.
Only when he was already in the door
did he turn his head, not completely, because he felt his neck growing stiff.
At any rate he still saw that behind him nothing had changed. Only the sister
was standing up. His last glimpse brushed over the mother who was now
completely asleep. He was only just inside his room when the door was pushed
shut very quickly, bolted fast, and barred.
Gregor was startled by the sudden commotion behind
him, so much so that his little limbs bent double under him. It was his sister
who had been in such a hurry. She was already standing up, had waited, and then sprung forward
nimbly. Gregor had not heard anything of her
approach. She cried out “Finally!” to her parents, as she turned the key in the
lock.
“What
now?” Gregor asked himself and looked around him in
the darkness. He soon made the discovery that he could no longer move at all.
He was not surprised at that. On the contrary, it struck him as unnatural that
up to this point he had really been able up to move around with these thin
little legs. Besides he felt relatively content. True, he had pains throughout
his entire body, but it seemed to him that they were gradually becoming weaker
and weaker and would finally go away completely. The rotten apple in his back and the inflamed surrounding
area, entirely covered with white dust, he hardly noticed. He remembered his
family with deep feelings of love. In this business, his own thought that he
had to disappear was, if possible, even more decisive than his sister’s. He
remained in this state of empty and peaceful reflection until the tower clock
struck three in the morning. From the window he witnessed the beginning of the
general dawning outside. Then without willing it, his head sank all the way
down, and from his nostrils his last breath flowed weakly out.
Early
in the morning the cleaning woman came. In her sheer energy and haste she
banged all the doors—in precisely the way people had already asked her
to avoid—so much so that once she arrived a quiet sleep was no longer
possible anywhere in the entire apartment. In her customarily brief visit to Gregor she at first found nothing special. She thought he
lay so immobile there on purpose because he wanted to play the offended party.
She gave him credit for as complete an understanding as possible. Since she
happened to be holding the long broom in her hand, she tried to tickle Gregor with it from the door. When that was quite
unsuccessful, she became irritated and poked Gregor a
little, and only when she had shoved him from his place without any resistance
did she become attentive. When she quickly realized the true state of affairs,
her eyes grew large, she whistled to herself.
However, she didn’t
restrain herself for long. She pulled open the door of the bedroom and yelled
in a loud voice into the darkness, “Come and look. It’s kicked the bucket. It’s
lying there. It’s completely snuffed it!”
The
Samsas sat upright in their marriage bed and had to
get over their fright at the cleaning woman before they managed to grasp her
message. But then they climbed very quickly out of bed, one on either side. Mr.
Samsa threw the bedspread over his shoulders, Mrs. Samsa came out only in her night-shirt, and like this they
stepped into Gregor’s room. Meanwhile, the door of
the living room, in which Grete had slept since the lodgers had arrived on the
scene, had also opened. She was fully clothed, as if she had not slept at all;
her white face also seemed to indicate that. “Dead?” said Mrs. Samsa and
looked questioningly at the cleaning woman, although she could have checked
everything on her own and it was clear even without a check. “I should say so,”
said the cleaning woman and, by way of proof, poked Gregor’s
body with the broom a considerable distance more to the side. Mrs. Samsa made a movement as if she wished to restrain the
broom, but did not do it. “Well,” said Mr. Samsa,
“now we can give thanks to God.” He crossed himself, and the three women
followed his example.
Grete,
who did not take her eyes off the corpse, said, “Look how thin he was. He had eaten nothing for such a
long time. The meals which came in here came out again exactly the same.”
In fact, Gregor’s body was completely flat and dry.
That was apparent really for the first time, now that he was no longer raised
on his small limbs and nothing else distracted one from looking.
“Grete, come into us for a moment,”
said Mrs. Samsa with a melancholy smile, and Grete
went, not without looking back at the corpse, behind her parents into the bedroom. The
cleaning woman shut the door and opened the window wide. In spite of the early
morning, the fresh air was partly tinged with warmth. It was already the end of
March.
The
three lodgers stepped out of their room and looked around for their breakfast,
astonished that they had been forgotten. “Where is the breakfast?” asked the middle one of
the gentlemen grumpily to the cleaning woman. However, she laid her finger to
her lips and then quickly and silently indicated to the lodgers that they could
come into Gregor’s room. So they came and stood in
the room, which was already quite bright, around Gregor’s
corpse, their hands in the pockets of their somewhat worn jackets.
Then
the door of the bed room opened, and Mr. Samsa
appeared in his uniform, with his wife on one arm and his daughter on the
other. All were a little tear stained. Now and then Grete pressed her face into
her father’s arm.
“Get out of my apartment immediately,” said Mr. Samsa and pulled open
the door, without letting go of the women. “What do you mean?” said the middle
lodger, somewhat dismayed and with a sugary smile. The two others kept their
hands behind them and constantly rubbed them against each other, as if in
joyful anticipation of a great squabble which must end up in their favour. “I mean exactly what I say,” replied Mr. Samsa and went directly up to the lodger with his two
female companions. The latter at first stood there motionless and looked at the
floor, as if matters were arranging themselves in a new way in his head. “All
right, then we’ll go,” he said and looked up at Mr. Samsa
as if, suddenly overcome by humility, he was asking
fresh permission for this decision. Mr. Samsa merely
nodded to him repeatedly with his eyes open wide.
Following
that, with long strides the lodger actually went out immediately into the hall.
His two friends had already been listening for a while with their hands quite
still, and now they hopped smartly after him, as if afraid that Mr. Samsa would step into the hall ahead of them and disturb
their reunion with their leader. In the hall all three of them took their hats
from the coat rack, pulled their canes from the umbrella stand, bowed silently,
and left the apartment. In what turned out to be an entirely groundless
mistrust, Mr. Samsa stepped with the two women out
onto the landing, leaned against the railing, and looked over as the three
lodgers slowly but steadily made their way down the long staircase, disappeared
on each floor in a certain turn of the stairwell, and in a few seconds
reappeared again. The further down they went, the more the Samsa
family lost interest in them, and when a butcher with a tray on his head came
up to meet them and then with a proud bearing ascended the stairs high above
them, Mr. Samsa, together with the women, left the
banister, and they all returned, as if relieved, back into their apartment.
They decided to pass that day resting
and going for a stroll. Not only had they earned this break
from work, but there was no question that they really needed it. And so they
sat down at the table and wrote three letters of apology: Mr. Samsa to his supervisor, Mrs. Samsa
to her client, and Grete to her proprietor. During the writing the cleaning
woman came in to say that she was going off, for her morning work was finished.
The three people writing at first merely nodded, without glancing up. Only when
the cleaning woman was still unwilling to depart, did they look up angrily.
“Well?” asked Mr. Samsa. The cleaning woman stood
smiling in the doorway, as if she had a great stroke of luck to report to the
family but would only do it if she was asked directly. The almost upright small
ostrich feather in her hat, which had irritated Mr. Samsa
during her entire service with them, swayed lightly in all directions. “All
right then, what do you really want?” asked Mrs. Samsa,
whom the cleaning lady still usually respected. “Well,” answered the cleaning woman, smiling so happily
she couldn’t go on speaking right away, “you mustn’t worry about throwing out
that rubbish from the next room. It’s all taken care of.” Mrs. Samsa and Grete bent down to their letters, as though they
wanted to go on writing. Mr. Samsa, who noticed that
the cleaning woman wanted to start describing everything in detail, decisively
prevented her with an outstretched hand. But since she was not allowed to
explain, she remembered the great hurry she was in, and called out, clearly
insulted, “Bye bye, everyone,” then turned around furiously and left the
apartment with a fearful slamming of the door.
“This
evening she’ll be given notice,” said Mr. Samsa, but
he got no answer from either his wife or from his daughter, because the
cleaning woman seemed to have once again upset the tranquility they had just
attained. They got up, went to the window, and remained there, with their arms
about each other. Mr. Samsa turned around in his
chair in their direction and observed them quietly for a while. Then he called
out, “All right, come here then. Let’s finally get rid of old things. And have
a little consideration for me.” The women attended to him at once. They rushed
to him, caressed him, and quickly ended their letters.
Then all three left
the apartment together, something they had not done for months now, and took
the electric tram into the open air outside the city. The car in which they were
sitting by themselves was totally engulfed by the warm sun. Leaning back
comfortably in their seats, they talked to each other about future prospects,
and they discovered that on closer observation these were not at all bad, for
the three of them had employment, about which they had not really questioned
each other at all, which was extremely favourable and with especially promising
prospects. The greatest improvement in their situation at this moment, of
course, had to come from a change of dwelling. Now they wanted to rent a
smaller and cheaper apartment but better situated and generally more practical
than the present one, which Gregor had found. While
they amused themselves in this way, it struck Mr. and Mrs. Samsa,
almost at the same moment, how their daughter, who was getting more animated
all the time, had blossomed recently, in spite of all the troubles which had
made her cheeks pale, into a beautiful and voluptuous young woman. Growing more
silent and almost unconsciously understanding each other in their glances, they
thought that the time was now at hand to seek out a good honest man for her.
And it was something of a confirmation of their new dreams and good intentions
when at the end of their journey their daughter got up first and stretched her
young body.