Our final phase in learning to be a sophisticated writer is that of sentence complexity. Most professional writers would agree that "good" writing contains a variety of sentence constructions.
Look at these next two paragraphs and tell me which is more appealing.
1. Juanita went to the store. She bought kumquats and melons. She took her purchases home. She placed them on the counter. Her toucan flew out of its cage. It landed upon the melon. It started pecking at the kumquat. It made a loud squawk at the funny taste. It then flew into the living room before Juanita could scold it. She figured the taste was enough punishment.
2. After purchasing kumquats and melons at the store, Juanita took them home and placed them on the counter. Her toucan flew from its cage, landed on the melon and preceded to peck at the kumquat. Before she could scold it, it gave a loud squawk and flew into the living room. The unusual taste, she figured, was enough punishment.
If you are like most people, you had a difficult time reading #1. If you go back and read, you will see that it is entirely made of a subject - verb - complete thought construction. Boring. The second makes use of many devices. Read the suggestions below and then rewrite two paragraphs from previous essays.
Be Cautious of "Be" Verbs
"Be" verbs are am, are, was, were, is, being, have been, being.
Some people call them "taboo" words and try to get students to avoid them in everything they write. But don't give up your "be" verbs--know when you want them and use them.
Take a look at your "be" verbs. If you use a lot of them, you may be wordy. You may be loading your sentences with nouns (often in prepositional phrases), too. But then you may need those "be" verbs to say what you need to say.
1. Do "be" verbs replace stronger verbs?
 | Melissa is the type who thinks she's right. [Melissa thinks he's right.] |
| His facial expression was an indication that he was wrong. [His face convinced us that he was wrong.] |
| It was an exaggeration. [Germaine exaggerated.] |
| It was a commitment that they had shown. [They showed a commitment.] |
| Noriko was in an aggressive frame of mind. [(maybe) Noriko aggressively attacked Akiko's
opinions.] |
2. Do "be" verbs delay your point?
| It was true that she was a late-bloomer. [See was a late-bloomer.] |
| There was occasionally a hamster in the basement. [A hamster was occasionally in the basement.] |
| It was difficult for him to go. [He couldn't find the time to go.] |
Most writers would agree that using active verbs rather than be verb strengthens your writing.
Ways to Combine Sentences
Ways to combine sentences:
1. -ING Phrases - Present Participle Phrases
The man counted his change. The man smiled at the clerk.
| Carefully counting his change, the man smiled at the clerk. |
| The man, carefully counting his change, smiled at the clerk. |
2. -ED Phrases - Past Participle Phrases
The woman decided to celebrate the results. The woman was pleased.
| Pleased with the results, the woman decided to celebrate. |
| The woman, pleased with the results, decided to celebrate. |
3. Prepositional Phrases
We go over the river. We go through the woods.
| Over the river and through the woods we go. |
4. Renaming Phrases - Appositives
My car is small. My car is a rusted. My car is a pile of junk.
| My car, a rusted pile of junk, is small. |
5. Who and That Clauses -- Relative Clauses with Essential Info
People live in glass houses. People should not throw stones.
| People who live in glass houses should not throw stones. |
Things are made from metal. Metal can rust.
| Things that can rust are made from metal. |
6. Who and Which Clauses -- Relative Clauses with Non-essential Info
Mother is looking forward to Thanksgiving. Mother can cook a tasty turkey meal.
| Mother, who cooks a tasty turkey meal, is looking forward to Thanksgiving. |
The new semester starts in January. We are looking forward to the new semester.
| We are looking forward to next semester, which begins in January. |
7. -Ing Substitution Clauses - Noun Clauses
If you talk out loud to yourself, people will wonder about you.
| Talking out loud to nobody makes people wonder about you. |
8. That Substitution Clauses - Noun Clauses
He passed the course with an A. I was not surprised that he passed the course.
| That he passed the course with an A did not surprise me. |
9. How-what-when-where-why Substitution Clauses
Noun Clauses
He passed the course with an A. I wondered how he passed the course. I was surprised that he passed with an A.
| How he passed the course with an A surprised me. |
