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Icing on the Cake
The subject of men and women have been widely debated and discussed. The area of
relationships has a special spotlight in mind. The term relationship is widely
used, but in this case we'll use it in the case of boy meets girl. My personal
definition of a boy girl relationship is the emotional feelings, mental
connection, and communication one has for the other. I believe both should
appreciate each other's faults, and accept each other for who they are inside,
and not what they look like on the outside. If a relationship consists of
nothing but looks and zero communication is very superficial and detrimental.
Some relationships do not work because one person is doing all the work while
the other is coasting. In Diane Wakoski's, "To an Autocrat," focuses
on the fact that if a person is not willing to keep a long-term relationship, it
will never happen. Elizabeth Browning's, "If Thou Must Love Me, Let it be
For Naught," includes the idea of loving the inside instead of the outside.
Finally, the last poem, "Against Still Life," by Margaret Atwood,
states that communication is vital in a healthy relationship.
"To An Autocrat," is about a guy who kicks all of his old girlfriends
out because they did little things to upset him, and in turn the poet expresses,
it will all come back and haunt him. "Today you told me | you kicked the
first lady | you lived with | out | because she washed her underwear, | blue
silky things, | and hung them in the bathroom to dry," (Wakoski, Pg. 300,
Lines 1-7). The man who was inviting his girlfriends to live with him was too
controlling, all the little stupid things that his partners did annoyed him, so
he had to "teach," them what and what not to do. The description of
the woman who really needed this guy was funny, "Is a guerrilla fighter who
believes you've been master | of your house too long," (Wakoski, Pg. 301,
Lines 37-38). Later she goes into great detail of how he could be hurting in the
future. Sounds like a loving, considerate relationship doesn't it? The moral of
this poem states that nobody is perfect, but however faulted one is, that person
always fits with the other, and loving the quirky faults the other has.
"She is not perfect, | but she fits | the hours of the day. | She
understands | living/ | loving what you have, | making | the fit." (Wakoski,
Pg. 302, Lines 79-86).
Finding a sense of acceptance is most likely a personal want or desire for
everyone. However, to have that someone's got to talk. From my personal
experience, communication is one of the most important ingredients of any
relationship. Margaret Atwood's "Against Still Life," expresses the
longing to know someone, to be able to talk with him, and know his likes and
dislikes. "Your silence | isn't enough for me | now, no matter with what |
contentment you fold | your hands together; I want | anything you can say | in
the sunlight:" (Atwood, Pg. 255, Lines 21-27). The craving to know someone
on the inside, knowing what they're like around other people, and how they react
to different scenarios, I think this is a great way to see if that person is
right for you.
Elizabeth Browning, in my opinion, was on the right track when she wrote the
poem, "If Thou Must Love Me, Let it be For Naught." Just the first
line gives the feeling of unselfish commitment, it says, hey buddy, if you want
me, love me for who I am within and not for my looks. "If thou must love
me, let it be for naught, | Except for love's sake only. Do not say | 'I love
her for her smile-her look-her way | Of speaking gently-," (Browning, Pg.
260, Lines 1-4). The main argument she has against this is the fact that
everything could change, her smile might one day be gone and the fact that she
will not always be young. "For these things in themselves, Beloved, may |
Be changed, or change for thee-and love, so wrought, | May be unwrought
so." (Browning, Pg. 260, Lines 7-9).
So in conclusion my idea of a good relationship has little to do with the
superficial things the world places before us. It has more to do with the idea
of comradeship, acceptance, and communication. Looks are just icing on the cake,
they're nice to have, but do not entirely make up the cake. They just make
things a little sweeter.
Post Script-
After I started on this paper I had to really examine what I thought a good
relationship is, and what I want one to be. Finding the poems to correspond with
my opinions was the hard part.
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