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Risa Graham
English 131
Dr. J. Strever
Seminar Paper #3
2/08/02
Hurtful Differences
The relationships between men and women have always been a widely talked about subject.
Each gender wonders what it would be like to be the other and experience things the way
that the other would. Men and women most likely won't ever understand each other and
sometimes won't be able to love the person that loves them. Elizabeth Barrett Browning's
poem "If Thou Must Love Me, Let It Be For Naught" explains how women hurt men.
Another poet, Maya Angelou, writes about how men hurt women. However, that doesn't mean
that other couples can't get along. Gwendolyn Brooks wrote a poem, called "The Bean
Eaters", about how men and women can live with each other for very long periods of
time. The relations between men and women are often times very complex, but they can also
be simple.
Some women discover that finding the right man is rather difficult. In Browning's poem,
she writes of a young women who is talking about a man that loves her. She finds that she
doesn't really love him and when trying to explain it to him says this, "If thou must
love me, let it be for naught/ Except for love's sake only" (260, lines 1-2). The
woman in the poem knows that this man loves her and she believes that he loves her only
for "her smile- her look- her way of speaking gently" (260, lines3-4) and that
isn't good enough for her. The women tells the man good-bye and she gives her final words,
"Thou mayst love on,
through love's eternity" (260, line 14). The woman tells him he will find some one
knew, some one who will love him back.
Even though physical pain can be hurtful, psychological pain is sometimes worse. In the
poem "To a Husband" by Maya Angelou, a woman is being verbally abused by her
husband. His "voice at times a fist" (254, line1), his words hurt her as would a
punch in the stomach or a slap to the face. She does not understand why he is doing this
to her. Men have their ways of talking to women to keep them submissive and under control.
Men talk down to their wives and make them think that they are dumb and have no value
except to tend to the children and the house.
There are exceptions to every rule. Women and men, no matter their differences can live
together in harmony and with love. Gwendolyn Brooks describes the life of an elderly
couple in "The Bean Eaters". The two are an "old yellow pair" (259,
line1) who have "lived their day" (259, line 6). This old couple has been
together for many years and still they go through their days doing normal activities and
living on. They "keep on putting on their clothes/ And putting things away"
(259, lines7-8). The two like to sit back and remember about their life. Their life
together had it's "twinklings and twingers" (260, line 10), meaning they've gone
through some rough times and some good times.
Understanding how anyone thinks and acts is difficult, even when that person is your
spouse or loved one. We grow to believe that we know some one and it turns out that they
are completely different. They start to hurt us and do unexpected things.
Sometimes it is the simple act of saying good-bye that hurts more than a hard hit to
the head. Woman or man you can never truly understand the opposite sex. However, sometimes
it works out that we can find someone that we are compatible with and share the rest of
our lives trying to understand one another.
Works Cited
Angelou, Maya. "To a Husband". Bridges: Literature Across Cultures.
Ed. Steve Pensinger and James R. Belsar. McGraw Hill, 1994. 254.
Brooks, Gwendolyn. "The Bean Eaters". Bridges: Literature Across Cultures.
Ed. Steve Pensinger and James R. Belsar. McGraw Hill, 1994. 259-260.
Browning, Elizabeth Barret. "If Thou Must Love Me, Let It Be For Naught". Bridges:
Literature Across Cultures. Ed. Steve Pensinger and James R. Belsar. McGraw Hill,
1994. 260.
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