True Love
Men and women are very different creatures. We express our
emotions differently. Women are typically ready to marry, settle down and have
children much earlier than men. Men tend to want to experience life before
settling. Yet, there is one thing we have in common. In relationships, men and
women want to be loved for the person they are and for the rest of their lives.
When people begin dating, they are usually playing the
field. Few have a strategy for finding their life mate. It is something that
happens over time and as you continue to see that person and get to know them, a
bond builds that is not easily broken. This is demonstrated in "Wild Nights
- Wild Nights!" By Emily Dickinson. "Futile - the winds-/ to a heart
in port-/ Done with the compass/ Done with the chart" (line 5-8). No matter
how hard outside forces try to tempt you away, you are finished searching for
your true love. You have found it and are holding fast.
We are all initially searching for romantic love that will
hold fast through a lifetime. Romantic love is defined as love that is
unrealistic, fanciful, passionate and fabulous. In "Beginning of the Songs
of Delight", Papyrus Harris 500 demonstrates fanciful love through "…apportioned
to you is my heart,/ I do for you what it desires,/ when I am in your arms"
(lines 1-3). In Shakespeare's "Othello", the Moor and Desdemona
declare their love for one another, at the protest of her father and the
disbelief of the councilmen (Act I, scene iii). Their romantic love was
unrealistic because of their age difference, and fanciful because she was
intrigued by the stories of heroism and daring that he imparted to her.
Passionate love is, by definition, ruled by intense
emotion and marked by intense feelings as is expressed in "My body thrives,
my heart exults/ At our walking together;/ Hearing your voice is pomegranate
wine,/ I live by hearing it./ Each look with which you look at me/Sustains me
more than food and drink" (lines 24-29). Love such as this can sustain us
through all the joys and challenges life has to offer if it is without
condition. Unconditional love endures over time. "But love me for love's
sake, that evermore/ thou mayst love on, through love's eternity"
(Browning, 260), speaks of love that is grounded in love alone and will last all
forever. Love based on beauty, and other external things is love based on things
that change and will not last.
Contrary to what we are looking for, many couples are
choosing to cohabitate instead of making a commitment. Through cohabitation,
couples get a trial period to try out the relationship and see if it contains
all the elements of true love they are seeking. Without the commitment of
marriage, couples don't make as great an effort to work at the relationship, or
compromise when differences arise. "To an Autocrat" by Diane Wakoski
demonstrates the disposable relationships we enter into in the lines "Today
you told me/ you kicked the first lady/ you lived with/ out/…..A few days ago/
you told me/ another girl got kicked out" (lines 1-10). Relations are too
easily severed when we have no investment in them.
We are all searching for passionate, unconditional love.
It is part of our human nature to desire a lifelong mate. Unfortunately, people
too often search in the wrong places, and for the wrong qualities. A
relationship with the person who becomes your mate should be based on love and
love alone. Only then can one find the happiness and joy that we all desire.
Works Cited
Browning, E. "If Thou Must Love Me, Let It Be For Naught". Bridges.
Ed. Muller, Gilbert and John Williams. McGraw-Hill, Inc. New York, 1994. 260.
Dickinson, E. "Wild Nights - Wild Nights!". Bridges. Ed.
Muller, Gilbert and John Williams. McGraw-Hill, Inc. New York, 1994. 264.
Harris, P. 500. "Beginning of the Songs of Delight". Bridges.
Ed. Muller, Gilbert and John Williams. McGraw-Hill, Inc. New York, 1994. 287.
Shakespeare, W. "Othello". Viewed video in class. April 30, 2001.
Wakoski, D. "To An Autocrat". Bridges. Ed. Muller, Gilbert
and John Williams. McGraw-Hill, Inc. New York, 1994. 300.
Postscript:
In writing this seminar paper, I had to step back and examine the things that
I think are important in the relationship I have with my husband and what is
important in making a relationship work. Then I examined what I see in society
today. The fact is that my relationship is based on the values of
"yesteryear".
As I read through the poems, I could see all the different types of
relationships there are and could identify people I know who are in
relationships of each kind. The idea of love is different for everyone, and in
each kind of relationship, love looks a little different. Therefore,
unconditional love and romantic love are different for each couple, yet I
believe that we still all seek that kind of love.
I personally could not imagine going through life without my spouse. After 12
years of marriage, we are a unit. We are no longer two individual people, but
fused together in an inseparable package. We are like "The Bean
Eaters" in that when we are old, the material things of this world will not
matter, but the memories will be like gold!
|