Former Student

English 101 online

Journal Entry #1

September 19, 2003

Breast Cancer Hitting Close to HomeGood!

    Breast cancer has the reputation for being a older women's disease but "…Cutthe disease can strike well before physicians and cancer advocate groups recommend that women get baseline mammograms at age 40." {1} According to the article{***}Conj/Trans "Breast Cancer: The Increasing Threat to Young Black Women (Ebony Oct 2003),Quote more than 11,000 women under the age of 40 will be diagnosed with breast cancer this year{***}Conj/Trans and 1,300 will die. Breast cancer is the leading cause of cancer deaths in women age 15 to 40. "African American women have a high rate of breast cancer, a shorter survival rate after diagnosis and the highest breast cancer mortality rate in the United States." "Black women are diagnosed with breast cancer at younger ages and often have more aggressive forms of breast cancer."{2}

    I have always heard the occasional story of a young women who had been diagnosed with breast cancer {***}Conj/Transbut I never would have guessed a staggering 11,000 young women are diagnosed yearly.{***}Yes! The most unbelievable fact is how it affects black women. We have a high rate of breast cancer, shorter survival, and the highest mortality. {3} The first line of defense when it comes to cancer is early detection and alotPunctuation of minorities are without medical insurance or are just not vigilant about our health{***}Conj/Trans and so we don't catch the cancer early. Without early detection{***}Conj/Trans it'sPunctuation like fighting a losing battle.

    There wasVague a young women named Rebecca McClure featured in the article. She was only 27 when she was diagnosed with breast cancer. She found a lump in her breast during a self-breast exam and later found out it was cancerous. Even though there wasVague no family history of cancer she had a mastectomy and reconstructive surgery. I am a 27 year old African American female and have never thought that at this age I could be diagnosed with breast cancer. The article opened my eyes to the possibility that it could happen{***}Conj/Trans so I looked into my family's medical history.{***}Yes! Come to find out cancer has affected many distant members of my family.Fragment Knowing that{***}Conj/Trans I am going to become more vigilant about my health care by doing my self-breast exams and scheduling my yearly DrWOrder. visits. I have a lot of life left to live and would hate to lose it by not taking preventative measures.

What an informative journal entry, and you certainly managed to follow the form well albeit this was the first one. Some things to look at in future journal entries: 1)avoiding quotations in the summary (one at most); 2) using the page # in the entry; 3) using more transitions between sentences and paragraphs; an 4) avoiding it is and there are in your work as it weakens your prose, making it less lively. Nice work, lady,

J.

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