Some non-linear thoughts about journals
This is an college composition English class; thus, certain expectations and challenges exist for those who want to gain skills that will enable them to write successfully in both their classes and their professions.One rationale underpinning the use of the journal in 201 is that it gives students an opportunity to add easily earned points** to their scores in order to balance the low scores they may receive on the first few seminar papers, as standards are quite high in 201 classes. All of who remain in this course are quite capable of meeting those standards if they put energy and effort into their work.
***Easily Earned defined: To receive a + (12 points) or a ++ (14) points on the journal, a student must show that she has put some thought and energy into the journal entry.
A bid for entries that actually say something
TJE 1 -- a non-energetic journal entry:
Student 1: This is a paragraph taken from a student's discussion journal entry with his permission. It is the entire paragraph.
"Writer's block is a common problem some authors believe. For example, one student was afraid of writing because of an incident that happened when she was younger."
TJE 2 -- thought and energy in Level One terms:Student 2: This is also lifted from one student's DJE. It is only part of the whole.
"Susan, when she sits down to write about writer's block actually names the authors: 'Many occasions of writer's block occur because of experiences in grade school' (Burgess 22). Susan, then, actually tells us about her fear of writing which stems from the time in first grade at Belmont Elementary where Mrs. Humpfry yelled at her for not dotting her 'i's correctly, thus scaring her away from writing since that time. We, as readers, then get to use our own imaginations; in other words, we get a mental picture of the tiny, 6 year old in her new blue jeans and red checkered shirt from K-Mart, her blonde pigtails askew because Manual, the kid behind her, liked to pull on them during class.
We hear and see Mrs. Humfry, a big hump of a woman, a giantess perhaps, in a shapeless red and green flowered dress with big black buttons; this dress doesn't quite cover her rolled-up, knee high nylons that she wore with her solid, square-toed, brown brogans, which sounded like an Army captain stomping in front of his troops when she stormed between the aisles of desks. Her voiced boomed across the room, 'Susan, you MUST dot those 'i's correctly, exactly one/eighth of an inch above the line,' and with each word, she slapped a twelve inch, wooden ruler across the palm of her hand, the slap of it, causing Susan to actually wet her brand, spanking-new blue jeans, which she would never wear again because of her embarrassment. Nor could anyone understand what dreadful malaise occurred since she did not return to school for the rest of the term, two weeks of absences to be exact."
Okay, you might get another mental image, but at least with the second of these entries, the reader has something to work with if names and experiences are made by the author...that's energy which generates clarity. We have no guessing going on here, no wondering what the author means. (Formula: concrete language + experience = energy)
Some other points to ponder
In a ten minute non-stop writing, the average first year college student or in layperson terms, the English 101 student at SCC, can write three hundred (300) words.
To rewrite that ten minute writing into something that an audience would be interested in would take approximately one hour and probably be in the four to five (400-500) range.
A second year college student, in other words, an English 201 student, should be able to produce work that is more sophisticated than a 101 student in a less amount of time, sophistication defined as more skilled, due to a quarter's worth of writing produced from the sweat of their fingertips.Journal entries that have under three hundred words with little or no
Level One writing are expected from the typical English 101 student.
A non-Hallmark moment
An English 201 student was surprised when his journal entry of 200 hundred words with no Level One or even Level Two ideas received a
- (check minus). His exact words were, "Why did you give
me a bad score."
Jan, as a teacher of English 82 through English 576, with seventeen years of experience, and twenty years of schooling, was a bit taken aback to discover that a young fellow in this day and age didn't understand that all actions have consequences. Carrie sighed.
Moreover, he failed to recall the statement on the syllabus that states: "Our philosophy about grades is that you earn them....we do not give them to you.
A final thought
Students in Eng 201 may continue to write journal entries that are empty of ideas and energy, and we will continue to give them seven (7) points and below.
However, Carrie and I applaud and thank you when a "Ms Straub" is given a voice (Constantine TJE4) or when we are introduced to new ideas, such as "Simple Plan, or John Meyer" (Marsh TJE4). Click here to see what I mean.
And yes, we do understand you have other classes, and work, and lives.
We hope you understand that you really do have a writer inside you who really wants to write ... you have to let it happen though, by providing time, energy, and space.
You are welcome to respond if you like:
Name E-mail
Students were asked to: Please go to http://www.iraqjournal.org/photo/index.html Go through the entire photo series. After that go to one of the news magazines and read about the possible war that we will have with these people. Then discuss whether you believe an essay can be more powerful than a series of photos about the same event. Use exact examples and be specific, please. As you are reading, please note all level 1 occurences.
JEs by Former Students:
From: Joanna Constantine
Date: 2/22/2003
Words or Pictures?
I think each can be persuasive, each can be disturbing, and each can make us feel uneasy or comfortable. Which is more powerful? That's a tough question. At Time.com I read an article called, "Is Saddam a Menace or a Nuisance?" In this article, the author, Tony Karon, says that the US feels Saddam is a menace; whereas, the old European view is that he is nothing more than a nuisance. Each view was represented well in the article. Mr. Karon used examples to back up both the menace and the nuisance stance; however, it left me unconvinced of either.
I don't know whether war is right. I'm just a person who lives a long ways from where the war would take place. It seems surreal to me. I feel like if Saddam doesn't comply with the UN he should be punished, however, I don't know that blowing up innocent cities filled with families and children is the right punishment. I look through the photos and I see everyday people just like me. I see kids, parents, women. They're not holding guns, they're not threatening me in any way. They're smiling, waving, and being quite peaceful. Do the pictures make me think we shouldn't go to war. No, not necessarily. War dates back to biblical times. It's often a needed means to and end. I want to protect my family too, and if this means war with Iraq, then so be it. I guess my stance on pictures versus words would have to be this: words and pictures together seem to be the most moving to me personally.
Had Mr. Karon's Feb. 19, 2003 article about Saddam shown pictures of Iraqi soldiers guarding weapons of mass destruction with Saddam's face painted on the wall behind them, I think I can say for sure that I'd pick war! And had the photos shown children crying, families torn apart, death and pain, I would've said war is so unfair -- it's wrong. But if it said "these children were ravished by United States soldiers who were following orders from President Bush. Many children lost their parents and are now orphans," I would have been heartbroken and hated that my country did this. But if the caption said, "Saddam Hussein said that any family who does not follow him will be punished and this is the children whose parents didn't follow." Well then I'd be pissed at Saddam and ready for the US to go kick some butt.
I guess what I'm saying is that words make pictures come alive. Ok, there you have it, I picked which I like better. You can often give a very clear picture with words, but a photo without words is left up to us to fill in the caption, and it can often be incorrect. Photographs are a powerful tool, but without words they're just still frames with no life. Words give photos energy, real life, and words can tell us so much. I remember watching Pearl Harbor for the first time and being sickened by the death and horror it showed. I have seen lots of Pearl Harbor pictures, read about it in history classes, but with the movie, words written and spoken by people that we had grown to love throughout the movie, it was heartbreaking to see the death and mass destruction the Japanese had done. It made it so real for me. That movie was an essay, written to be performed, and it was performed so well that it made me angry, disgusted, and sad all at the same time. Words can be so powerful.
Brenda Garza
English 201
Who to Blame for the Broken Heart?
After viewing these photos the ones of the children especially broke my heart. The one with the little girl laying there starving was so sad and it is only going to get worse if we go to war with these people. In an article in the Spokesman Review it talked about where they were already having food rationed. It showed a man pushing a cart from the ration station which would feed his family one meal a day for one month. This car had three paper sacks, like our brown paper bags, three small, maybe one gallon sized buckets, one of flour, one of sugar, and one of rice, and a jug of oil. Can you imagine only three sacks of food a month to feed your family? Seems impossible, but it happens this way.
Upon further viewing of these photos the children all have a look of fear to them. Even though they seem to be playing they all appear to be watching out as if in fear of the unknown. The women in the streets protesting all have a look of fear to them. Most of the kid’s clothes are tattered and look unkempt, like the boy in Jumurriyah, where they have raw sewage running through the streets. The only time the children show any lack of fear was at the book market picking out books that cost their fathers $2:00, 1/3 of their monthly income. Another very saddening sight was the conditions of their jails.
Yes, these people did commit a crime and need to pay for it, but they treated them worse than animals. They had no beds or anything, just a plain old concrete floor to sleep on. Yet then why did Saddam Hussein grant amnesty to all of them? Probably so they could be soldiers is the United States goes to war with them. The exuberance shown in the faces of their families was a nice sight to see. That is probably not a normal sight for them living in constant poverty and fear. The people were actually praising Saddam for this act not knowing what could really be the underlying reason. Then another sad sight was the Doctor treating all the new cases of cancer that they expect are caused by the depleting uranium in bombs that the United States used against them in the gulf war. If we go to was with Iraq now the damages will be far greater and longer lasting.
So to answer the question would an essay be more powerful than pictures about the same event? My own personal opinion is that a picture describes a thousand words and a million ideas can be composed from them. I do believe that these pictures tell a pretty good story, but they do not give a lot of facts. In that essence, an essay could much more explain and give more graphical details than the pictures do. Yet I wonder as people in such a prosperous nation if we could ever really understand the state that these people live in and going to war with them will only enhance it. It may give them more freedom in the end, but what will it cost them to get it -- Hundreds of lives of innocent children, women, and men, all so a point can be proven the President of the United States?
A Teacher's Journal Response
From: Jan -- jstrever@scc.spokane.edu
Date: 2/21/2003
Purpose and Method=Madness or Audience Awareness?
or, Virginia, Are They the Same Thing?
Okay, I was just talking with Melony and Dulcy about this photo series of folks going about their business. In one, we have a fellow talking to his buddy; in another, we have a child with a shy smile; another picture offers two young girls going about the business of being children .... Just think, if we go ahead and follow with the plan of attack that Bush and others would have us do, each of these people could be lying lifeless, their smiles forever obliterated.
How can that be?
We have them here captured, and if you believe the latest in brain studies, their faces will always be imprinted somewhere on our brains, waiting for recall. They could come to us late at night when we are too tired to sleep, or perhaps, as we drive down Mission, there on the stoop of the old brick building, the two young girls wave at us, not knowing that they have died, that their murderers are casually cruising a hot boulevard in their home town. The photos do not give us this reality; in fact, a contrary vision is presented to us: Look at these nice folks, not a gun among them.
It's towards the end of the series that we begin to see that all is not well with their world when barb wire covers fences and paint peels from walls. We notice, too, that not everyone has a "cellie" attached her ear and that much of the clothing we are shown is frayed and torn.
These are the enemies we are told -- kill or be killed we are told; if you aim the gun, you must pull the trigger; we are told again and again and again.
What is more powerful? The pictures presented here or words weaving their way across the page. Dulcy tells me it depends -- the photos here are innocuous, displaying little power, and the caption beneath each photo is impotent, yet if we go to war, if we pull out our massive weapons of destruction and use them, these folks here, who are much like you and me, will come to us, will haunt our sleep, as they will become lost souls seeking refuge, and perhaps they will even haunt our waking hours.
Words or pictures ... pictures or words ... are useless after the button is pushed, the weapon is fired, or the bomb exploded. Before then, words and pictures can change the course of human events if we take the time and energy to create them.
Until the next time,
Carrie and Jan
Jan. 12, 2004
Spokane Community College