- Contact_FullName:
- Ina Miller
- Contact_Email:
- inalee99207@yahoo.com
theme
Communication breaks down walls.. Human beings all have a basic need to be "understood", and this brings us to languange "barriers".
best
Language, of course. Both parties have "teachers"--Bimbi and Ann Sullivan...who created the awareness of language...
more work
""Malcolm X was imprisoned when he made a choice to improve himself". This statement of fact comes from where?..He was imprisoned because of languange?..
intro
How can you not hear the names Malcolm X and Helen Keller within the same paragraphs and not be intrigued?
detail
"Malcolm X was imprisoned when he made a choice to improve himself",.. Also, "Where Malcolm's education was self-taught, Helen Keller had a teacher..
transitions
Most of the transitions noted in our example are also notated in previousley used text.
extra info
"In Helen's dark world, there was no feeling of sentiment or tenderness....What a sweeping statement about Helen w/out any corroboration..
conclude
Malcolm and Helen, I can see this.. language is freeing,-- one needs better use of vocabulary, one searches for the concept of words..Closure of a sort..
change
This is an amazingly well-researched work. Given that articulate, gifted, vocabulary represents ideas so well, ..I think I would have summed up with Malcom X's accomplishments w/o comparing him to Helen Keller to the end...Similar "languange abilities", but not the same.
added comments
- Contact_FullName:
- Dylan Moline
- Contact_Email:
- dylanm@spokaneschools.org
theme
The theme of the essay is that even if you have a problem with something (in the case of this essay, language), it should not prevent you from being something great. You just have to work at overcoming it.
best
The best part of the essay is that its very easy to relate the people in it to real life. I grew up in not the best part of Spokane and some of the brightest people I know don't have a high school diploma, but that didn't stop them from becoming what they wanted to be.
more work
The quotations throughout the essay are somewhat off topic, and at times hard to follow. It relates to what the author is speaking about, but not exactly what was going on in that paragraph.
intro
The introduction does perk my interest because it brings up facts that were unknown to me, and shows how even though people can come from a rough background, they can grow into some of the most known people in history.
detail
Yes.
transitions
Yes.
extra info
Once again, the quotes seem somewhat off topic.
conclude
The conclusion is somewhat brief. The last sentance is the only full sense of closure given, and it in itself is not much of a closing sentence.
change
I would re-work the quotes into a more understandable forum if the essay had been my own.
added comments
Overall great work.
- Contact_FullName:
- Mike Winebarger
- Contact_Email:
- mitiwi@juno.com
theme
2 people overcoming obstacles and putting forth the effort to appreciate language.
best
Using Malcolm X and Helen Keller to make the point. Easy to identify with.
more work
Sentences could be shortened, it would alleviate unnecessary info.
intro
Yes,it gives the reader a view of things to come. 1st sentence needs work. I read it twice
detail
yes
transitions
As soon as I learn about transitions I will respond.
extra info
no
conclude
yes because if we are willing to overcome our personal obstacles, it may improve ourselves like the 2 in the article.
change
the first sentence. To hear Malcolm X speak now , people might think he had gone to school beyond the eighth grade. Anyplace where proofreading could limit the length would be an improvement.
added comments
Better story than I could write
- Contact_FullName:
- Yuliya Zolnikov
- Contact_Email:
- yuliyazol@yahoo.com
theme
The theme is how reading and writing have changed the life of Malcome X and Helen.
best
What I liked the best about this essay is how Malcome X improved tremendesly his reading and writing.
more work
I think what needs more work is more examples of how they learned and different experiences they had.
intro
The introduction interested me bacause at one point I also had to improve my reading and writing. And it did open up a whole new world for me as well.
detail
As far as I understood, each paragraph had a main point and a specific detail to it.
transitions
Malcome X knew some of the launguage and Helen did not. Helen was deaph and never heard a word. So for her it was a slightly different experience. Malcome X improved his launguage skills, and the essay tried to glide from Malcome X to Helen. Trying to give examples that seemed to have something in common.
extra info
Bimbi was another inmate and they used him as an example. He is a little bit off topic because the main focus of the essay is on Malcom X and Helen.
conclude
It does give me a closure bacause both Malcome X and Helen have a new world opened up to them.
change
I would make it longer and put more detail information in it about the struggles the people had. So others who read the essay can compare with the struggles that they might of had.
added comments
Really interesting
- Contact_FullName:
- Margarita Evans
- Contact_Email:
theme
This essay tells us about the power of language and encourages us to be educated in order to do well in life.
best
I like the examples in this essay because they cut my attention and I was interested.
more work
In my opinion,transitions should be better.In some places it is quite hard to follow.
intro
The introduction was very interesting to me because I am a foreigner and the story is related to me.
detail
The introduction doesn't say why Helen wasn't able to communicate. So, it was confusing alittle bit.
transitions
More transitions need to be used in paragraph #2. The author changes ideas very quick.
extra info
The same information is given in the introduction and conclusion, basically word for word.
conclude
Yes,the conclusion summarizes the main idea and given examples very clear.
change
I would change what I mentioned above.
added comments
I like this essay, but would be nice to see the ideas flow.I had to reread it several times to get the complit understanding.
- Contact_FullName:
- Margarita Evans
- Contact_Email:
theme
This essay tells us about the power of language and encourages us to be educated in order to do well in life.
best
I like the examples in this essay because they cut my attention and I was interested.
more work
In my opinion,transitions should be better.In some places it is quite hard to follow.
intro
The introduction was very interesting to me because I am a foreigner and the story is related to me.
detail
The introduction doesn't say why Helen wasn't able to communicate. So, it was confusing a little bit.
transitions
More transitions need to be used in paragraph #2. The author changes ideas very quick.
extra info
The same information is given in the introduction and conclusion, basically word for word.
conclude
Yes,the conclusion summarizes the main idea and given examples very clear.
change
I would change what I mentioned above.
added comments
I like this essay, but would be nice to see the ideas flow.I had to reread it several times to get the complit understanding.
- Contact_FullName:
- Amy Lanes
- Contact_Email:
- pemster@msn.com
theme
Helen Kellar and Malcolm X learned theat language is liberating and an event or an awakening of some kind can spur the thisrt for knowledge and can set a person on the path to freedom.
best
I like how it compares and contrast Helen and Malcolm and how it also gives us some insight to their stories.
more work
Some times the author switches from one idea about one person right to another idea about another and you wonder who he/she is talking about.
intro
Yes, it lets me know what will be in the essay and that something interesting will be in it.
detail
Yes they all have one main idea and then have comparisons or differences between Malcolm and Helen.
transitions
There needs to be more transistin from one paragraph to the next.
extra info
No
conclude
The conclusion could just be another body paragraph. It does conclude how language has improved their lives, though.
change
I would disguish better between Helen and Malcolm and have more transitions from paragraph to paragraph.
added comments
All around good paper work on sorting out details and transitions and it will be better.
- Contact_FullName:
- Kedric D. Jackson
- Contact_Email:
- k_kjackson@hotmail.com
theme
The theme is that Malcolm X and Helen Keller were able to defeat their learning disability.
best
The best about this essay is the writer's choose of words and citation. Why is because the way you chooose words and the way use them shows the audience that you have put forth the effort to write a competent article. Citations play a key factor for credibility purposes.
more work
I liked the essay; however, it seemed too congested. Here, brevity and conciseness would help the audience tremendously.
intro
No. To me it did not start direct enough. "To hear Malcolm X speak now,..." is not interest grabbing! The next sentence is more of a interest grabber; "Malcolm X rose from the street...."
detail
The only paragraph that I found to be laking detail is the introduction. I think that he essay was specific enough overall.
transitions
I think at first reading the transactions are competent. The only problem is unneceesary sentences/words.
extra info
The only extra information or off topic would be the reference to the individuals that assisted Malcolm and Heller. However, I have no problem with this.
The only extra information would be the individuals that helped guide Malcolm X and Keller to breach their learning disabilies. I am content with this type of extra information, at this point.
conclude
No. Something is missing!
change
I would rewrite the entire essay! Again, I would get rid of some of the unnecesary words etc. Consolidation, brevity and flow.
added comments
No.
- Contact_FullName:
- Jenna Norman
- Contact_Email:
- skeetgirl@juno.com
theme
The theme is a comparison of Helen Keller and Malcolm X's lives and how they were affected by language.
best
The best part of this essay is the organization skills throughout, showing the author knows what she is talking about.
more work
I thought the introduction paragraph could use a bit of work grabbing the reader's attention.
intro
No, the introduction does not engage my interest. I was not excited to read on. It was not boring, but definately did not capture my attention.
detail
All of the paragraphs contain enough detail to make it complete and comprehendable.
transitions
Using the thought of new worlds to compare Keller and Malcolm help ideas flow. There really is not any places where I think more transitions could be to make the essay more clear. I think there use of the same transition is effective.
extra info
The story explaining when Keller's new world opened up seemed unnecessary. It really does not add to the essay and seems out of place.
conclude
The conclusion gives me a feeling of closure because it describes in detail where each character ended up after their education.
change
I would change the introduction paragraph if this were my essay. As I stated before, I thought the intro did not build on the topic the essay would touch on.
added comments
I thought this essay was well-written. There is much clarity presented to make the essay complete and interesting.
- Contact_FullName:
- Tolsen
- Contact_Email:
- olsenfarm@aol.com
theme
How Malcolm X and Helen Keller both had to overcome obstacles, in order to learn communication skills, and the power that learning had over their lives.
best
The details are interesting.
more work
The conclusion was somewhat vague.
intro
Yes, it caught my attention.
detail
I think the paragraphs contain alot of detail.
transitions
I don't know alot about this subject, but the essay seemed to flow alright to me.
extra info
I don't think that the author was really interested in the subject. I feel that if a person is forced to write about something that really doesn't interest them, no matter how good the writer is, the work will lack something.
conclude
I didn't feel like there was a real conclusion, but I was so bored with the subject matter by the time I got to this point that I had a hard time concentrating on the conclusion.
change
I really don't know... I might add more personal opinion and less facts.
added comments
I feel as if over analyzation makes a worse paper in this context. Not to say that we don't need an effective use of our language, and that we don't need to learn how to communicate through written word... I am simply saying that each individual has their own unique personality, and over analylizing tends (for me at least) to lead to some very dry and boring writing.
- Contact_FullName:
- Nate Gobble
- Contact_Email:
- nategobble@hotmail.com
theme
Malcolm X vs. Helen Keller Gaining Freedom Through Language
best
The content and ideas. She also makes good use of quotes, facts and events
more work
Sentence structure. Some sentences are too wordy and could be separated.
intro
Not really, it's not very catchy. It was a little awkward.
detail
Yes
transitions
Yes
extra info
No, information was accurate and related to the topic well
conclude
Yeah, it was ok. Again, the sentences could use work but they were gramatically correct.
change
Sentences, wording
added comments
None
- Contact_FullName:
- Renee Basler
- Contact_Email:
- supergirl_84@earthlink.net
theme
The liberation of language
best
The examples because they give a vivid picture in your mind when you are reading it.
more work
I believe this is a very complete and well written essay. Just put the citations in MLA.
intro
Yes because it draws you into the world of these to individuals.
detail
yes
transitions
Maybe use more definite transition sentences between paragraphs
extra info
no
conclude
Yes because it satisfies their introduction.
change
I would not change anything besides the citations.
added comments
I really enjoyed reading this essay the writer seemed very interested in what they were writing and portrayed this very well in this essay.