Timeless vs Melodramatic Language

Okay, I admit it I am prone to the melodramatic.  Here are a couple of my famous lines:

"The sea was seized with sadness"

or

"How well I know this body,
each raw curve, each withered line
this mouth which has known a thousand kisses
these arms with their withered scars."

Would you say just a bit overdone? I hope so because they really do show what melodramatic verse is.  That's not to say there isn't a vitality here or a play of language; however, these lines try too hard.  Writing like this pushes people away, as it attempts to force itself on readers, and when it does so, it is almost comedic, which of course is not its intent.  The same can be said for poetry with a message.   To be poetic, poetry of this type beats one about the head with its didactic, pedantic message.

Facing up to your own predilections early on will help on your journey to be a reader or writer of poetry. Of course that doesn't mean you will stop it, only that you are aware of it.  I know I'm prone to overstating, being overly dramatic, so after I finish writing a poem, I check myself. Usually I catch those places, though not always.

Other predilections writers should avoid; being cute, sounding as if you are working for Hallmark, forced rhyme, cliches' -- if it's been said before, forget it mixed metaphors overwriting misspelling easy endings weird line breaks CAPITALIZING various words for no reason, not capitalizing any word, weird punctuation no punctuation peppering the poem with abstractions archaic language...thee and thou using expository language, i.e., there are three types of... sloppy word usage using words that don't echo the sense of the poem and finally, not understanding how sound and meaning work.

With that we venture onto another of the elements that we will discuss:  sound.    I cannot stress how important sound is to the poet.  Your book talks about it, but let's experience it.  Go to

http://www.theatlantic.com/unbound/poetry/antholog/aaindx.htm