- Contact_FullName:
- Ina Miller
- Contact_Email:
- inalee99207@yahoo.com
theme
Communication breaks down walls.. Human beings all have a basic need to be "understood", and this brings us to languange "barriers".
best
Language, of course. Both parties have "teachers"--Bimbi and Ann Sullivan...who created the awareness of language...
more work
""Malcolm X was imprisoned when he made a choice to improve himself". This statement of fact comes from where?..He was imprisoned because of languange?..
intro
How can you not hear the names Malcolm X and Helen Keller within the same paragraphs and not be intrigued?
detail
"Malcolm X was imprisoned when he made a choice to improve himself",.. Also, "Where Malcolm's education was self-taught, Helen Keller had a teacher..
transitions
Most of the transitions noted in our example are also notated in previousley used text.
extra info
"In Helen's dark world, there was no feeling of sentiment or tenderness....What a sweeping statement about Helen w/out any corroboration..
conclude
Malcolm and Helen, I can see this.. language is freeing,-- one needs better use of vocabulary, one searches for the concept of words..Closure of a sort..
change
This is an amazingly well-researched work. Given that articulate, gifted, vocabulary represents ideas so well, ..I think I would have summed up with Malcom X's accomplishments w/o comparing him to Helen Keller to the end...Similar "languange abilities", but not the same.
added comments
- Contact_FullName:
- Dylan Moline
- Contact_Email:
- dylanm@spokaneschools.org
theme
The theme of the essay is that even if you have a problem with something (in the case of this essay, language), it should not prevent you from being something great. You just have to work at overcoming it.
best
The best part of the essay is that its very easy to relate the people in it to real life. I grew up in not the best part of Spokane and some of the brightest people I know don't have a high school diploma, but that didn't stop them from becoming what they wanted to be.
more work
The quotations throughout the essay are somewhat off topic, and at times hard to follow. It relates to what the author is speaking about, but not exactly what was going on in that paragraph.
intro
The introduction does perk my interest because it brings up facts that were unknown to me, and shows how even though people can come from a rough background, they can grow into some of the most known people in history.
detail
Yes.
transitions
Yes.
extra info
Once again, the quotes seem somewhat off topic.
conclude
The conclusion is somewhat brief. The last sentance is the only full sense of closure given, and it in itself is not much of a closing sentence.
change
I would re-work the quotes into a more understandable forum if the essay had been my own.
added comments
Overall great work.
- Contact_FullName:
- Mike Winebarger
- Contact_Email:
- mitiwi@juno.com
theme
2 people overcoming obstacles and putting forth the effort to appreciate language.
best
Using Malcolm X and Helen Keller to make the point. Easy to identify with.
more work
Sentences could be shortened, it would alleviate unnecessary info.
intro
Yes,it gives the reader a view of things to come. 1st sentence needs work. I read it twice
detail
yes
transitions
As soon as I learn about transitions I will respond.
extra info
no
conclude
yes because if we are willing to overcome our personal obstacles, it may improve ourselves like the 2 in the article.
change
the first sentence. To hear Malcolm X speak now , people might think he had gone to school beyond the eighth grade. Anyplace where proofreading could limit the length would be an improvement.
added comments
Better story than I could write
- Contact_FullName:
- Yuliya Zolnikov
- Contact_Email:
- yuliyazol@yahoo.com
theme
The theme is how reading and writing have changed the life of Malcome X and Helen.
best
What I liked the best about this essay is how Malcome X improved tremendesly his reading and writing.
more work
I think what needs more work is more examples of how they learned and different experiences they had.
intro
The introduction interested me bacause at one point I also had to improve my reading and writing. And it did open up a whole new world for me as well.
detail
As far as I understood, each paragraph had a main point and a specific detail to it.
transitions
Malcome X knew some of the launguage and Helen did not. Helen was deaph and never heard a word. So for her it was a slightly different experience. Malcome X improved his launguage skills, and the essay tried to glide from Malcome X to Helen. Trying to give examples that seemed to have something in common.
extra info
Bimbi was another inmate and they used him as an example. He is a little bit off topic because the main focus of the essay is on Malcom X and Helen.
conclude
It does give me a closure bacause both Malcome X and Helen have a new world opened up to them.
change
I would make it longer and put more detail information in it about the struggles the people had. So others who read the essay can compare with the struggles that they might of had.
added comments
Really interesting
- Contact_FullName:
- Margarita Evans
- Contact_Email:
theme
This essay tells us about the power of language and encourages us to be educated in order to do well in life.
best
I like the examples in this essay because they cut my attention and I was interested.
more work
In my opinion,transitions should be better.In some places it is quite hard to follow.
intro
The introduction was very interesting to me because I am a foreigner and the story is related to me.
detail
The introduction doesn't say why Helen wasn't able to communicate. So, it was confusing alittle bit.
transitions
More transitions need to be used in paragraph #2. The author changes ideas very quick.
extra info
The same information is given in the introduction and conclusion, basically word for word.
conclude
Yes,the conclusion summarizes the main idea and given examples very clear.
change
I would change what I mentioned above.
added comments
I like this essay, but would be nice to see the ideas flow.I had to reread it several times to get the complit understanding.
- Contact_FullName:
- Margarita Evans
- Contact_Email:
theme
This essay tells us about the power of language and encourages us to be educated in order to do well in life.
best
I like the examples in this essay because they cut my attention and I was interested.
more work
In my opinion,transitions should be better.In some places it is quite hard to follow.
intro
The introduction was very interesting to me because I am a foreigner and the story is related to me.
detail
The introduction doesn't say why Helen wasn't able to communicate. So, it was confusing a little bit.
transitions
More transitions need to be used in paragraph #2. The author changes ideas very quick.
extra info
The same information is given in the introduction and conclusion, basically word for word.
conclude
Yes,the conclusion summarizes the main idea and given examples very clear.
change
I would change what I mentioned above.
added comments
I like this essay, but would be nice to see the ideas flow.I had to reread it several times to get the complit understanding.
- Contact_FullName:
- Amy Lanes
- Contact_Email:
- pemster@msn.com
theme
Helen Kellar and Malcolm X learned theat language is liberating and an event or an awakening of some kind can spur the thisrt for knowledge and can set a person on the path to freedom.
best
I like how it compares and contrast Helen and Malcolm and how it also gives us some insight to their stories.
more work
Some times the author switches from one idea about one person right to another idea about another and you wonder who he/she is talking about.
intro
Yes, it lets me know what will be in the essay and that something interesting will be in it.
detail
Yes they all have one main idea and then have comparisons or differences between Malcolm and Helen.
transitions
There needs to be more transistin from one paragraph to the next.
extra info
No
conclude
The conclusion could just be another body paragraph. It does conclude how language has improved their lives, though.
change
I would disguish better between Helen and Malcolm and have more transitions from paragraph to paragraph.
added comments
All around good paper work on sorting out details and transitions and it will be better.
- Contact_FullName:
- Kedric D. Jackson
- Contact_Email:
- k_kjackson@hotmail.com
theme
The theme is that Malcolm X and Helen Keller were able to defeat their learning disability.
best
The best about this essay is the writer's choose of words and citation. Why is because the way you chooose words and the way use them shows the audience that you have put forth the effort to write a competent article. Citations play a key factor for credibility purposes.
more work
I liked the essay; however, it seemed too congested. Here, brevity and conciseness would help the audience tremendously.
intro
No. To me it did not start direct enough. "To hear Malcolm X speak now,..." is not interest grabbing! The next sentence is more of a interest grabber; "Malcolm X rose from the street...."
detail
The only paragraph that I found to be laking detail is the introduction. I think that he essay was specific enough overall.
transitions
I think at first reading the transactions are competent. The only problem is unneceesary sentences/words.
extra info
The only extra information or off topic would be the reference to the individuals that assisted Malcolm and Heller. However, I have no problem with this.
The only extra information would be the individuals that helped guide Malcolm X and Keller to breach their learning disabilies. I am content with this type of extra information, at this point.
conclude
No. Something is missing!
change
I would rewrite the entire essay! Again, I would get rid of some of the unnecesary words etc. Consolidation, brevity and flow.
added comments
No.
- Contact_FullName:
- Jenna Norman
- Contact_Email:
- skeetgirl@juno.com
theme
The theme is a comparison of Helen Keller and Malcolm X's lives and how they were affected by language.
best
The best part of this essay is the organization skills throughout, showing the author knows what she is talking about.
more work
I thought the introduction paragraph could use a bit of work grabbing the reader's attention.
intro
No, the introduction does not engage my interest. I was not excited to read on. It was not boring, but definately did not capture my attention.
detail
All of the paragraphs contain enough detail to make it complete and comprehendable.
transitions
Using the thought of new worlds to compare Keller and Malcolm help ideas flow. There really is not any places where I think more transitions could be to make the essay more clear. I think there use of the same transition is effective.
extra info
The story explaining when Keller's new world opened up seemed unnecessary. It really does not add to the essay and seems out of place.
conclude
The conclusion gives me a feeling of closure because it describes in detail where each character ended up after their education.
change
I would change the introduction paragraph if this were my essay. As I stated before, I thought the intro did not build on the topic the essay would touch on.
added comments
I thought this essay was well-written. There is much clarity presented to make the essay complete and interesting.
- Contact_FullName:
- Tolsen
- Contact_Email:
- olsenfarm@aol.com
theme
How Malcolm X and Helen Keller both had to overcome obstacles, in order to learn communication skills, and the power that learning had over their lives.
best
The details are interesting.
more work
The conclusion was somewhat vague.
intro
Yes, it caught my attention.
detail
I think the paragraphs contain alot of detail.
transitions
I don't know alot about this subject, but the essay seemed to flow alright to me.
extra info
I don't think that the author was really interested in the subject. I feel that if a person is forced to write about something that really doesn't interest them, no matter how good the writer is, the work will lack something.
conclude
I didn't feel like there was a real conclusion, but I was so bored with the subject matter by the time I got to this point that I had a hard time concentrating on the conclusion.
change
I really don't know... I might add more personal opinion and less facts.
added comments
I feel as if over analyzation makes a worse paper in this context. Not to say that we don't need an effective use of our language, and that we don't need to learn how to communicate through written word... I am simply saying that each individual has their own unique personality, and over analylizing tends (for me at least) to lead to some very dry and boring writing.
- Contact_FullName:
- Nate Gobble
- Contact_Email:
- nategobble@hotmail.com
theme
Malcolm X vs. Helen Keller Gaining Freedom Through Language
best
The content and ideas. She also makes good use of quotes, facts and events
more work
Sentence structure. Some sentences are too wordy and could be separated.
intro
Not really, it's not very catchy. It was a little awkward.
detail
Yes
transitions
Yes
extra info
No, information was accurate and related to the topic well
conclude
Yeah, it was ok. Again, the sentences could use work but they were gramatically correct.
change
Sentences, wording
added comments
None
- Contact_FullName:
- Renee Basler
- Contact_Email:
- supergirl_84@earthlink.net
theme
The liberation of language
best
The examples because they give a vivid picture in your mind when you are reading it.
more work
I believe this is a very complete and well written essay. Just put the citations in MLA.
intro
Yes because it draws you into the world of these to individuals.
detail
yes
transitions
Maybe use more definite transition sentences between paragraphs
extra info
no
conclude
Yes because it satisfies their introduction.
change
I would not change anything besides the citations.
added comments
I really enjoyed reading this essay the writer seemed very interested in what they were writing and portrayed this very well in this essay.
- Contact_FullName:
- Lola Phillips
- Contact_Email:
- plolap@cs.com
theme
The theme of this essay is the power of language ? written or spoken, and the vast possibilities that power allows for each of us.
best
What is best about this essay is the writer?s comparison of the lives of Malcolm X and Helen Keller, and how language improved and strengthened each of them.
more work
Paragraph two needs more work. The quotations in line five seem to disrupt the idea a bit and may have been more effective some where else. I had to read this more than twice to get what was being said.
intro
The introduction is engaging because it brings the subjects into focus of who they were. Then leads you into the story of how they became who they were.
detail
Not all paragraphs contain specific detail, the introduction does not - it doesn?t need to, and the conclusion, also not necessary.
transitions
In paragraph two "Similarly" is well used to transition from Malcolm X to Helen Keller. Paragraph three uses a another comparison for the transition. The introduction and conclusion again do not need transitions.
extra info
I feel that the information sticks to the topic. The quote in line five seems to be out of place or "extra".
conclude
The conclusion gives a feeling of closure because it allows the reader to take the information given and then apply it to themselves. Thus allowing no room to wonder what should come next.
change
I would change the quote in paragraph two only. I found it engaging and inspiring.
added comments
Smart essay.
- Contact_FullName:
- April Pfeifer
- Contact_Email:
- awesomemomof3@comcast.net
theme
The different ways that both Malcolm X and Helen Keller learned the words of our society.
best
The different examples for how Malcolm X and Helen Keller learned the words.
more work
The first paragraph could use some more explaining, incase some people don't know what the author is talking about
intro
Yes. The way the paper is put together, it keeps your attention to every word that is there.
detail
The first one doesn't contain a whole lot of detail, but the rest of the paragraphs do.
transitions
The transitions that are used are good, there is a few spots where there could be some more trsansitions in some paragraphs.
extra info
I don't see any excess of information that does not pertain to the essay
conclude
I really like the conclusion, it is explained how after their learning, and the affects it had on their lives.
change
The first paragraph, probably more detail about the two main characters.
added comments
- Contact_FullName:
- Shannon Sabins
- Contact_Email:
- s.sabins@comcast.net
theme
The theme of this essay is primarily about the potentially life altering effects of language development.
best
The thought provoking concept that commitment to anything, even something as simple as applying oneself to dictionary copying and memorization, can dramatically improve ones life.
more work
The transitions from Malcom's to Helen's story seems to need improvement. It disrupts the flow of reading.
intro
The introduction mainly gained my interest with the last statement. It gave you a sense of where the essay was going.
detail
Although I am no expert at this point in time, the second paragraph seems to lack the supporting details it needs. The rest of the essay seemed to have good details.
transitions
Again, in the second paragraph, the transitions do not flow properly. I hope to improve my own ability to transition properly in writing.
extra info
In the second paragraph there is reference to a quote from Malcom X that leads you astray without adequate explanation. ("Look, daddy....")
conclude
Because it leaves one with a self application statement at the end, it wraps the story up well.
change
Although the theme of this writing is primarily about the benefits of language development, it's lack of referral to the contribution of all gained knowledge as a liberator detracts somewhat from the writing. I would elaborate on that.
added comments
From this feedback exercise I can see the potential of improving ones own writing skills and therefore am excited about the resulting growth.
- Contact_FullName:
- DeeAnn Stephens
- Contact_Email:
- deenut14@hotmail.com
theme
about how helen keller and malcom x and how they learned to read
best
The examples of Malcom X as a leader and Helen Keller being blind and how people look up to them today
more work
the grammer, because nothing is written correctly.
intro
No becausethe first sentence is worded wrong and it makes me confused
detail
I don not think the first paragraph has specific detail.
transitions
There arne no transitions in everyparagraph . From going from Malcom to Helen then when the quotes are used
extra info
the sentence about Bimbi I do not know why it was there it is irrelevant. And there are qoutes added in the third paragraph at the end that really do not belong. And in everyparagraph everything is off topic it all runs together betwen malcom and Helen. One just has to read To know what i am talking about. to list everything off topic would be to rewrite the essay.
conclude
nO becasue the essay never hada begginning a middle or and end so basically the endign is what the esssay was supposed to be about.
change
Everything. The introduction the middle the end the grammar.
added comments
- Contact_FullName:
- Michelle Bishop
- Contact_Email:
- scoobyfaith@aol.com
theme
We all have the ability to better our lives by expanding our language skills.
best
It was very inspirational.It was amazing how Helen Keller came out of her dark, scary world and became a teacher.
more work
It could be set up better. All the information seems to be jumbled together.
intro
Yes. It gave just enough information to peak your curiosity.
detail
No. The first and the last paragragh do not contain specific detail.
transitions
Yes. More transitions could be used switching back and forth from Malcom X to Helen Keller.
extra info
Yes. In the second paragragh, the sentence with (64) could be omitted.
conclude
Yes.It lets you know that both Helen Keller and Malcom X accomplished what they set out to do.
change
I would have separate paragraghs for Malcom X and Helen Keller.
added comments
It was very inspiring.
- Contact_FullName:
- Julie Smith
- Contact_Email:
- rjsmithx1@worldnet.att.net
theme
The essay seeks to encourage the pursuit of education and language skills by citing the accomplishments of both Malcolm X and Helen Keller.
best
I believe the final paragraph was the most motivating and informational. I liked the advice that those who thought they were held down by socioeconomic reasons, etc. should look to higher education as a "way out".
more work
I think a better introductory theme would have contributed to the smoothness of the essay. I found the opening paragraph to be confusing for a moment with the transition from Malcolm X to Helen Keller. Some of the paragraphs seemed too lengthy and might have worked better by separating Malcolm X information from Helen Keller.
intro
Yes, since the point was that "language is liberating".
detail
Overall they do. Paragraph one discusses the significant successes of both Malcolm X and Helen Keller. The second paragraph described the "turning point" in comprehension for Helen, but described more the difficulties Malcom X encountered. The third paragraph described the turning point for Malcom X, which I think should have been in the same paragraph as the ones describing Helen Keller.
transitions
I noticed the word "Similarly" used several times to compare and contrast both Helen Keller and Malcolm X.
extra info
The description of Helen Keller having "doll" spelled repeatedly into her hand was more information than required. The description of her learning that "Water" was both something to be felt and was a word described more the concept of language than the doll incident which was related to emotion and feeling.
conclude
Yes, because it concluded that higher education was an admirable, useful goal.
change
I would have separated the information about Malcolm X from that of Helen Keller. In the introductory paragraph I would not have started with a sentence regarding Malcolm X or Helen Keller, but would have chosen an opening sentence that would state the purpose/theme of the essay.
added comments
- Contact_FullName:
- Stephanie Brinson
- Contact_Email:
- sbrinson82@aol.com
theme
It's about understanding that nothing (the losing the ability to see, hear, etc.) shouldn't hold us down to achieve what we really want out of life. To live it.
best
It shows that even though some people might not have the ability to do what everyone can, it still doesn't hold them down to achieve a life.
more work
I think nothing, it was well written and explained enough about each person.
intro
I've always known that some people are strong enough to over come anything out of life. It just goes to show that more people should understand that life isn't easy and you must really work hard at it. Cause if Helen Keller or Malcolm X can do it, then anything is possible.
detail
Paragraph (71) had a lot of specific information about Helen as a child and trying to learn as did the second paragraph. I found that there wasn't much detail left out.
transitions
I think the whole passage was one of a good one. It flowed really well and the way it was written was written well, in a sense it all came together nicely. The changing from Malcolm to Helen was two different people, but really, in a sense, they both had the same problem and sticking with that helps the reader to understand more about the problem issued.
extra info
There's only one topic, both Malcolm and Helen had a problem. Though one couldn't see or speak at the time and the other didn't have the ability to read or write, still it's the same problem. Even though one had less of the other, it was all the same. Not having the ability to know knowledge. But one took it upon himself to help him read, while the other had someone guide them, they still came out the same. They came out as a better, more stronger person.
conclude
It does, cause knowing that they helped themselves become something better than what they were, is a great knowledge to know that maybe if I or someone else tried harder, we could be better than what we are today. There's always room for imrpovement within ourselves. Knowing that and actually doing something about it is all up to us to figure that out.
change
Absolutely nothing.
added comments
I think it was well written and well researched.
- Contact_FullName:
- Mathew L. Vensel
- Contact_Email:
- mlvensel@msn.com
theme
The theme of this essay was the importance of language in society.
best
The way the author desided to use two examples repeatedly throughout the essay to enforce the message. I feel this adds to the weight of the essay and give it flavor. Thus leaving you with more then just words after you read it.
more work
I noticed that, with the exception of the first paragraph every one starts with "Malcom X". This takes away from the essay because of the feel of repetition.
intro
It got my mind thinking. I am not the one who normally reads unless I am after some sort of answer to a question. In the introduction it rases that they found freedom through language. I became curious how they did that.
detail
From what I read, all paragraphs contained within this essay contain specific detail.
transitions
This essay seemed to flow without interuption in my mind. I cannot see any need for any additional transitions.
extra info
It remained focused yet mentally apealing. The information portrayed in the essay was adequate to keep it focused on the subject, yet strayed just enough to give it a feel.
conclude
I think it give a closure to the essay but not to the topic in whole. It left me with a feeling that I should take a look at my own life and see which areas I could impove through language.
change
I would have my own flavor added to the essay and probably include additional examples from present day.
added comments
No additional comments.
- Contact_FullName:
- Nick Hagarty
- Contact_Email:
- nick_hagarty@yahoo.com
theme
I believe the main point in writing this essay is to show how two people from two completely different walks of life overcame obstacles that delayed them from becoming great people. Comparing Malcom X to Hellen Keller signifies that anyone through hard work and perserverance can achieve anything one puts their mind to.
best
I believe the writer of this essay compared Malcom X and Hellen Keller in a very easy to understand way. The use of details throughout the essay gave a complete picture of both of their lives and their struggles. It painted a clear picture as to why the essay had been written: to inspire others to overcome their illiteracies and prison cells.
more work
Unless you have a background of Malcom X and Hellen Kellers' lives, this may be a hard-to- follow or uninteresting essay. But the writer, I thought, does a good job conveying what the importance of the essay is.
intro
I do like the inroduction, because I have always been one that like's to root for the underdog. The writer sets up the conflict early, detailing what both Malcom X and Hellen Keller were up against. It catches your attention.
detail
I think the writer did well in all of the paragraphs detailing. Each paragraph portrays tangible situations that the reader is able to put a mental picture to.
transitions
Yes, I do think that at the end of each paragraph the writer restates in one way or another that the more knowledge you can attain and the more will power you use, the sky is the limit
extra info
A few of the quotes threw me for a loop, since my background on both the characters is not as extensive as the writers. But after reading through the quotes and the sentences following them, it is more clear as to why she used them as she did.
conclude
Yes, because the writer states that both of the characters were able to overcome their downfalls as human beings, thus her reason for writing the essay. Even though I know that Malcom X was assassinated, he still was able to achieve what he set out to do: to become an individual who could impress his presense and words into individuals, forever really if you think about it.
change
If this were my essay, I would probably change the characters because, as I stated earlier, I am not as knowlegeable about them as the writer is. I would probably use a sports star like Lance Armstrong, or Magic Johnson, who overcame health issues to become better people. Or someone like Anne Franke, who had to survive the Holocaust.
added comments
Even though I stated that this essay would have been easier to understand if I knew the characters' histories better, the writer may not have either and wanted to know their life accomplishments, and so the writer chose them to write about. Other than that I thought the essay was well written and fairly easy to read and connect with.
- Contact_FullName:
- Denise R. Moore
- Contact_Email:
- mandemoore@msn.com
theme
The theme is that determination and knowledge of language will lead you to success.
best
The essay shares two stories, both of the desire and determination to communicate with others. Malcolm X and Helen Keller both had many obsticals to overcome and yet they still trudged on to become great communicators.
more work
I don't know that additional work is needed.
intro
Yes, the introduction engages my interest. I began to question as to what happened to both Malcolm X and Helen Keller that intriegued the author of this essay to write about them.
detail
Yes, each paragraph contains detail.
transitions
The essay flows well from one paragraph to another.
extra info
Yes, in the second paragraph, the quote "look daddy, let me pull your coat about a cat. Elijah Muhammad."
conclude
The final paragraph does give closure by summing up that if we better understand our language, we can open doors and opportunities that may currently be closed.
change
I may include a few more successes of both Malcolm X and Helen Keller.
added comments
- Contact_FullName:
- Jerry W. Perkins
- Contact_Email:
- jerrywperkins@comcast.net
theme
The theme of the essay expresses the joy two people found in learning and using language to communicate. This was done by demonstrating the experiences of Malcolm X and Helen Keller using historical references.
best
2. Best about this essay is that the characters chosen as subjects to express the joy of language are individuals that are well known by today's generations. This personally lent to my interest in the essay.
more work
2. Additional work is needed on the sentence flow of ideas. When I began reading the topic, I was quickly confused by the first introduction of Helen Keller as a relationship was not yet developed that tied her to the opening line about Malcolm X. In addition, the grammatical errors made the piece difficult for me to read.
intro
The introduction grabbed my interest because of the characters rather than the intended theme of language. The historical characters used prompted me to explore the essay in an effort to find the theme instead of being used to demonstrate points that were being addressed.
detail
The Second paragraph should list the ways’ in which both Malcolm X and Helen Keller learned a new language. Instead, the quote used seemed out of place, and confused me as to the goal behind the paragraph. In my opinion this did not show specific detailed for this paragraph. In addition, the fourth paragraph which is used to sum the essay opened a question in my reading as to what the intent of referencing the criminal history of Malcolm X had to do with the joy of learning a new skill. This lack of closure caused me to think that detail was missing here as well.
transitions
2. Transitions are not used in the essay as I understand them. They could be used in all cases where the written subject moves from Malcolm X to Helen Keller as a beginning. It would also be helpful if they were used between instances of historical examples and the theme of language.
extra info
2. One example of information that I felt was off topic was “Malcolm X was imprisoned when he made a choice to improve himself.” I felt that this opened a new line of thought not connected to the joy of a new language. It would have been better overall not to have even mentioned this item as it does not help the essay.
conclude
I did not view the essay as having given me the feeling of closure. If the theme was supposed to express the joy of learning a new language, too many references to hardship and adversity were used. There was not sufficient information given to show joy by the subjects for language at all. Because of this, I was left with the feeling that perhaps it would be addressed later in the essay, only to find that the essay had ended.
change
If the essay were my own, I would need to change several items. The first modification is to re-outline the information so that I can ensure that I addressed the beginning, the supporting facts, and the conclusion of my theme. I would still be interested in using these characters, but I would need to insure that their stories complimented or helped illustrate the theme that I was attempting to address. Some of the references would need to be removed as the make the essay too wordy without lending additional information to the piece. I would also attempt to spell check, re-read, and have someone else read the essay for me to avoid the choppy feel currently being expressed.
added comments
Looking back over the years I am sure that I must have written similar papers. I hope that this course will assist me in not repeating some of these common mistakes. It does bring about a feeling of empathy for instructors that must wade through some of my work to find what they were looking for. ;)
- Contact_FullName:
- Shane nelson
- Contact_Email:
- shane_nelson4@hotmail.com
theme
Compare and contrast essay.
best
The thing I liked best was the Authors ability to take to unsimalir people and be able to show simalrities.
more work
Honestly I thought the essay was wonderful and it seemed that the author put a great deal of time in to it.
intro
Yes it did because I was curious to see how some one would be able to campare to different people as one.
detail
I think that they all have a purpose and you can tell that in each paragraph.
transitions
Yes Transitions are used to help ideas flow. Transitions in this essay were very good.
extra info
Not to my knowledge
conclude
Yes it actually is a sense of telling your self to always do what you want and never except less than what you want.
change
I would not of changed anything.
added comments
Very good essay!!
- Contact_FullName:
- Contact_Email:
theme
best
more work
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detail
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conclude
change
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- Contact_FullName:
- Dawn Perkins
- Contact_Email:
- perkins_crew@hotmail.com
theme
This essay compares and contrasts the development of language in the lives of Helen Keller and Malcolm X, and the effect that it had on them.
best
It is very interesting, giving background information on each person, and bringing that background information into the forefront, showing the direct relationship it has to their later lives.
more work
Two things stood out for me: First, the first paragraph begins discussing Malcolm X and then jumps to Helen Keller with no transition. I had to reread the middle sentences in order to make a connection and understand what Helen Keller had to do with it. I would use this sentence >Malcolm X and Helen Keller both discovered something in the process of learning a new language. < as the first sentence in the paragraph. And second, I do not understand this part: <When on the street, Malcolm commanded attention by the words he said. But how could he effectively write, "Look daddy, let me pull your coat about a cat. Elijah Muhammad . . ."(64) when he wanted to share the plight of the black man in America? > It sounds like this person assumed the reader would be familiar with this quote. There needs to be some sort of additional information given to make the quote relevant to a reader (like me) who is unfamiliar with the subject matter.
intro
Yes, it is very interesting right from the beginning.
detail
The last paragraph lacks the detailed information that the others have.
transitions
First paragraph, to introduce Helen Keller in a relevant way. Second paragraph, to clarify the first quote for unfamiliar readers.
extra info
The part about Malcolm X being in prison sounds out of place, as this wasn't mentioned in any other place in the essay.
conclude
Yes, but there are a couple of ideas that are expressed in that paragraph... There could be one more paragraph written using some of the statements there, and then the conclusion would be more clear.
change
I would make the changes I've already commented on, and then ask for more input.
added comments
- Contact_FullName:
- djfyiy rd
- Contact_Email:
theme
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best
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- Contact_FullName:
- Sarah Rosenbaum
- Contact_Email:
- srosenbaum@centurytel.net
theme
The theme of this essay is to not ot afraid to expand your horizons and to try to learn new things. To go up and beyond what you know and be open to learning new things.
best
I think this essay gives two great examples of people who had lack of education but had to desire to be and do something great, and that desir led them to learn. I think they were both great people and can teach us alot. Anyone can learn anything, we just need to be open to learning and being taught.
more work
I thought that maybe the paragraphs should have been seperated more. Like stick with one idea for a paregraph. For example talking about Malcolm X then starting a new one for Helen Keller.
intro
Yes it did. It gave two very interesting facts that made me want to read on and learn more about these two extrodinary people.
detail
I thought each paragraph had good specific details.
transitions
I think more transitions could of been used. New paragraphs could of been started when new ideas were wrote. Going from Malcolm to Helen, I was sort of confused as to who we were talking about and I would need to go back and check.
extra info
No
conclude
Yes it did, it told you where they both ended up and tells you how they got there. Dosent leave you wondering.
change
I would structure my paragraphs a bit differently.
added comments
i thought it was a good essay, and I enjoyed reading it.
- Contact_FullName:
- Jeremy Leppert
- Contact_Email:
- jaleppert@hotmail.com
theme
The theme of this essay is that you don't have to have a great education to have a major influence on people.
best
I think that the best thing about this essay is how well it goes into detail about the lives of the individuals and how they made an impact on history without a great base of knowledge to start from.
more work
I'm not sure anything needs to be changed with this essy. It was all very well thought out and written so people could understand what point the author was trying to get across.
intro
Yes because it elains very briefly the background of these two people and shows that they didn't start out as great as they were later in their lives.
detail
From What I could Tell, every paragraph did contain explicit detail.
transitions
Yes. I'm not sure if it would need more.
extra info
no, it's all relevant.
conclude
yes because it gives leading sentences that tell you it's the end of the essay.
change
nothing.
added comments
- Contact_FullName:
- Amanda M. Jones
- Contact_Email:
- amandaj903@aol.com
theme
That the appropriate understanding and use of language can open doors and increase opportunities.
best
The best part of the essay was the examples of how two individuals who were considered to be unteachable, became successful in their own right. Why? Because it offers hope to those who stumble through their lives thinking that they are not entitled to anything better.
more work
Perhaps elaborating on Malcom X more. I think this because I have done some extensive study on him and I don't know that the author captured in their descriptions of him, just how much he overcame in his life to get to where he was.
intro
Yes. Because I am interested in both of these individuals, I read with interest to see how the author was going to portray their contribution to society.
detail
I believe each paragraph gives pretty good detail on Helen Keller, but skips over Malcom X.
transitions
All of the paragraphs transitioned well except for the last one. The writer didn't connect the point in the paragraph prior to the ending.
extra info
If a person was not familiar with each person used as an example, I think they may have been confused by some of the examples. I being familiar could understand where the author was coming from.
conclude
I think it does for me. The author ties together the why the grasp of language will open doors.
change
I really liked the essay. I am interested in the topic, so I like the research the author did and what examples that were used.
added comments
I liked it.
- Contact_FullName:
- Brad Walling
- Contact_Email:
- deesassybugs@aol.com
theme
They learned that language is liberating; and an event or an awakening of some kind can spur the thirst for knowledge and can set a person on the path to freedom.
best
I think the fact that the writer chooses two totally different personalities to compare is great. It shows that no matter what your background is you embetter yourself through education.
more work
I think this essay is fine the way it is.
intro
Yes, again I had to see how you could compare Helen to Malcom.
detail
yes
transitions
Yes aAfter the incident with the broken doll, Ann took Helen outside to the waterspout and repeatedly spelled W-A-T-E-R into one of her hands, as the water gushed over the other, finally it clicked. "Suddenly I felt a misty consciousness as of something forgotten - a thrill of returning thought; and somehow the mystery of language was revealed to me." (71) Similarly, Malcolm began realizing there was so much more to life as he copied, studied and devoured words from the dictionary. Not only did he improve his writing, but his manner of speaking also became something people would listen to. s in this instance; ...
extra info
no
conclude
Yes, you can realize the corralation between the two people being compared.
change
Nothing
added comments
This was a very informative essay.
- Contact_FullName:
- Brian Standow
- Contact_Email:
- brianstandow@comcast.net
theme
To take another look at your life and remove the barriers that get in your way to success.
best
The detail in what triggered each person to make the change. Malcom X learned by instint and need, and Helen Keller had a teacher to push her to learn.
more work
Maybe more detail on Malcom X's life and his need for proper writing and word knowledge in his life. Helen Kellers was forced by a disabilty to learn.
intro
Yes, As I as learn more, I get the drive to be better with my own communication skills.
detail
I thought the paragraphs did a good job. The foundation is set to understand why.
transitions
It would have transitioned smoother by seperating the 2 people more.
extra info
But how could he effectively write, "Look daddy, let me pull your coat about a cat. Elijah Muhammad . . ." This seemed to be out of place in the essence of the article.
conclude
No. I would have liked more information on their writings, and how far they actually went in life with these improved skills.
change
I would flow the stories of Malcom X and Helen Keller more distinct. I think you read about them both but in a confusing format.
added comments
I like the story and how it relates to our learning a better skill. It shows that anyone can go anywhere with the right education.
- Contact_FullName:
- Whitney Lucas
- Contact_Email:
- pinksparkle06@msn.com
theme
It is a compare/contrast essay about Malcolm X and Helen Keller. It examines the language and education barriers that they both overcame.
best
I liked the fact that it was about two well known figures. It made it very interesting to read and note the differences and similarities myself.
more work
I think that the transitions are a little weak because it somewhat jumps from one to the other and back again. The content is good, but it needs a little reorganization in order to clear it up a little.
intro
I thought it was interesting. My first reason is that it was about two famous people. My second reason was that it listed some of their major accomplishments in life while hinting to the enormous difficulties that they had to overcome.
detail
I think the introductory paragraphs and the body paragraphs have sufficient specific details, but the conclusion really does not. While the conclusion does somewhat reiterate what the essay was about, I think that it makes statements that are too broad.
transitions
Transitions are used somewhat better towards the end, but in the beginning there really are not any. The way that the subject jumps from Malcolm X to Helen Keller in the middle of a paragraph with no transition makes it seem somewhat unorganized.
extra info
I think the information is fine. If there was something that seemed a bit too drawn out it may be when the essay focuses on how the teacher spelled out the words in Helen Keller's hands multiple times until she understood.
conclude
I think it does because it reiterates what the body was about. Then it ties the whole essay together with the last sentence. It did not feel like there should be anything after that.
change
I would just add the transitions in the paragraphs. I would probably also reorganize the paragraphs so that they did not change subjects in the middle, regardless of the transitions. I think that it would make the whole essay flow better.
added comments
The content was very good, and I could tell that the essay was well thought out. I think that just some tweaking on the layout will make this essay excellent.
- Contact_FullName:
- alejandro perez
- Contact_Email:
- adrianalejandroperez@yahoo.com
theme
the theme was how 2 people obtain the ability to express themselves when the didnt know how to communicate very well.
best
that they both overcame their disabilities. when they succeed with this, they went on to become role models for other people with the same disabilities.
more work
i think they should have explained more about why malcolm x only made it to the 8th grade.
intro
yes, it lets readers know what they can do with themselves when they put their minds into it.
detail
not really, the last one.
transitions
yes
extra info
the last paragraph wasnt really that clear to understand. they had to many examples.
conclude
no it doesnt. i still wonder why they imprisoned him by improving himself
change
i think that i would change the way it was written.
added comments
this is my first time doing this online class thing so i hope im doing it right
- Contact_FullName:
- Megan Wilson
- Contact_Email:
- meg689@hotmail.com
theme
No matter what kinds of hardships are in your life you can always rise above them with education. Once you are educated you see the world with a new perspective.
best
Even if you came from nothing or if you were incarcerated or impaired that you can break stereotypes or social boundaries and maybe change part of the world. It is important that people know that they can bring out who they really are through education and tell how they feel about issues.
more work
Different categories of facts are mixed in with other paragraphs. It would be easier to understand if it was more organized.
intro
No, I believe that the second sentance of the frst paragraph would have caught my attention. The second sentance tells he rose above the street and an eighth grade education. It sounds better and tells what he has overcome to be "one of the most articulate and well spoken african americans in history".
detail
Paragraph one explains what Malcom and Helen overcame in order to get an education. Paragraph two shows Malcom's and Helen's frustration in the beginning of trying to understand. Paragraph three gives examples of realization, they both were progressing and realizing what it felt like to understand and be understood. Paragraph four explains that with some motivation anyone can overcome certain factors in their lives to help them excell in anything they want.
transitions
Yes, after Para. 3it says "The ability one has to grow when given tools and a motivation can lead to extraordinary results." This helps with explaining the point of paragraph 4, that any one can be successful from refining their language.
extra info
Yes, "Bimbi, another inmate, who seemedto captivate hi saudiencewith the spoken word impressed him." This only shows the inmate impressed him, then it goes on saying he needed to know what words ment & how to write. It says nothing else about Bimbi.
conclude
Yes. It shows that everything that Malcom X and Helen Keller went through, she became "one of the most notable teachers of our time", and Malcolm X became "one of the most articulate and powerful african americans in the united states in the 1960's"
change
I would have started out with their hardships, how they learned, their realizationand then their accomplishments.
added comments
- Contact_FullName:
- Kerry Warwick
- Contact_Email:
- wkranch@aol.com
theme
Learning a new form of language can give you a sense of freedom and liberation.
best
Organization. She kept the details of Malcolm X and Helen Keller in the same order throughout. She also gives specific details relevant to each person and point she is trying to make.
more work
The introduction. The structure and verbiage of her sentences having to do with Malcolm X could have been more clear. I had to read it several times in order to understand what she was saying.
intro
Again, by wording and structuring her sentences about Malcolm X differently, her point would have been better understood and in turn engaged my interest more. The second half of the introduction about Helen Keller did engage my interest. She indicated that Helen has no formal way of communication but grew up to be a writer, teacher and motivator.
detail
Yes, she made a point and backed it up with details and information she gathered.
transitions
She used good transition words when going between Malcolm X and Helen Keller. Better transitions could have been used between Malcolm X and Helen Keller in the first paragraph.
extra info
There was only one sentence that is extra. In Paragraph 2, "Bimbi, another inmate, who seemed to captivate.....". I don't feel that this is necessary to the essay.
conclude
Yes, she wraps up her essay stating how Malcolm X and Helen Keller were before discovering language. Then how it affected their lives after discovering language. She also sums it up with a statement of how this affects everyone and what her essay was about. (theme)
change
I would change the first sentences of the introduction. By wording it different, the topic for Malcolm X would have been better understood.
added comments
- Contact_FullName:
- Michelle Herbstritt
- Contact_Email:
- Herbstritt8@wmconnect
theme
Learning language and to use it proficiently can offer many opportunities to an individual regardless of their past experience or education
best
It is a true story and offers inspiration to those whom have difficulties with language.
more work
I think the essay was great.
intro
Yes, it made me curious to know how those two people overcame their learning obstacles.
detail
I think the paragraphs contained enough supporting detail.
transitions
I think the writer should have used transitional words when intruducing and throughout each paragraph.
extra info
But how could he effectively write,"Look daddy, let me pull your coat about a cat. Elijah Muhammad..."(64) when he wanted to share the plight of the black man in America?
conclude
Yes, the conclusion clearly states and gives two detailed examples of how learning language a person can gain a freedom they never knew existed.
change
I would have included more details of the paths Malcolm X and Keller took from learning the language to becoming well known educators and speakers in America.
added comments
I enjoyed reading the essay, it was inspiring.
- Contact_FullName:
- Contact_Email:
theme
best
more work
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tyrtyy
- Contact_FullName:
- Lynn Guinn
- Contact_Email:
- Max2Lynn@comcast.net
theme
best
more work
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- Contact_FullName:
- Lynn Guinn
- Contact_Email:
- Max2Lynn@comcast.net
theme
Don't accept your limitations. No matter what your position in life is, you can make it better through learning and perseverance.
best
I love to see the success of individuals, who in spite of their disabilities or lack of education never gave up. Malcolm X, and Helen Keller knew that knowledge was the key to a better life.
more work
The essay was a little hard to follow. I felt bounced around in reading some of the information. I felt the essay was more about Malcolm X, and Helen Keller, and not about language.
intro
Yes, because the introduction starts out with two people that you recognize, and admire. It peaks your interest.
detail
Each paragraph contained enough detail about Malcolm X, and Helen Keller, but not enough information about freedom through language.
transitions
I think the transition from paragraph to paragraph was good. However, the information provided in each paragraph was confusing and not completed. Lot's of jumping around. The information did not seem to flow.
extra info
I felt the essay was more about Malcolm X and Helen Keller, then about language.
conclude
Yes somewhat. The conclusion does show you what Malcolm X, and Helen Keller both was able to accomplish through knowledge of language. But, I still felt the essay was about them and not about freedom through language.
change
I would focus more on the different usages of language to improve your life, instead of focusing on Malcolm X, and Helen Keller.
added comments
- Contact_FullName:
- cody belkoff
- Contact_Email:
- cody540@msn.com
theme
The theme of this essay is understanding language can be liberating and inhibit ones growth for knowledge.
best
What I liked best about this essay was the insight I gained about Malcolm X and Helen Keller.
more work
In paragraph 2, sentences 4 and 5 didn't make sense to me. I felt if could have been left out or changed to help the reader understand the sentence better
intro
Yes, the introduction engages me because I consider Malcolm X and Helen Keller are national symbols of our history.
detail
I think each paragraph does contain specific detail. However, I think paragraphs two and three need to be revised. I think both of these paragraphs contain some irrevelant sentences.
transitions
extra info
I noticed a couple of sentences that seemed to be off topic. In Paragraph 2 sentence 4, I felt that the quote was thrown in there just for reference purposes. I felt the writer did not tie the quote into anything.
conclude
I believe the conclusion gave me a sense of closure. It gave me a feeling of closure because the writer summarized their ideas and gave a strong final sentence. the writer left me wondering about the positive changes language had on these two historic figures of our time, and that i can do the same.
change
All in all, I think it was good essay. I would have restructured a couple of the sentences. Towards the middle of the essay, i was left saying to myself, "what the heck did that just say."
added comments
- Contact_FullName:
- cody belkoff
- Contact_Email:
- cody540@msn.com
theme
The theme of this essay is that understanding language can be liberating and excel ones growth for knowledge.
best
What I liked best about this essay was the insight I gained about Malcolm X and Helen Keller.
more work
In paragraph 2, sentences 4 and 5 didn't make sense to me. I felt it could have been left out or changed to help the reader understand the sentence better
intro
Yes, the introduction engages me because I consider Malcolm X and Helen Keller to be national symbols of our history.
detail
I think each paragraph does contain specific detail. However, I think paragraphs two and three need to be revised. I think both of these paragraphs contain some irrevelant sentences.
transitions
I think better transitions can be used when switching from Malcolm X to Helen Keller in the paragraph.
extra info
I noticed a couple of sentences that seemed to be off topic. In Paragraph 2 sentence 4, I felt the quote was thrown in there just for reference purposes. I felt the writer did not tie the quote into anything.
conclude
I believe the conclusion gave me a sense of closure. It gave me a feeling of closure because the writer summarized their ideas and gave a strong final sentence. the writer left me wondering about the positive changes language had on these two historic figures of our time, and that I can do the same.
change
All in all, I think it was good essay. I would have restructured a couple of the sentences. Towards the middle of pargraphs two and three, i was left saying to myself, "what the heck did that just say."