- Contact_FullName:
- Vadim
- Contact_Email:
theme
best
more work
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- Contact_FullName:
- Vadim Yunin
- Contact_Email:
- VYunin@hotmail.com
theme
best
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- Contact_FullName:
- Vadim Yunin
- Contact_Email:
- VYunin@hotmail.com
theme
The theme of this essay is that more women are chossing careers that are traditionaly a male job
best
organization, detail, I understand what the author is saying.
more work
I think it is preatty good the way it is, but I may be wrong.
intro
Yes the introduction does engage my interest because I immideatly know what the author is going to talk about.
detail
I think all of the paragraphs contain specific, and good detail.
transitions
The transitions do help the ideas flow, and I don't think that more transitions need to be used.
extra info
I think all of the information is needed in order for the essay to make sense.
conclude
YEs it does because the author notes all of his final thoughts and opinions about the situation.
change
probably nothing
added comments
I though it was a good clean essay strait and to the point.
- Contact_FullName:
- Nolan Charbonneau
- Contact_Email:
- nolancharbonneau@hotmail.com
theme
Women who choose to step out of the traditional job and into the pioneering occupation. Such as firefightin.
best
The theme itself I think is the best thing about the essay. It is something that most, if not all people can relate to. It is well researched and organized.
more work
The writer talks specifically about firefighting with her own personal experiences, which is good. However, may be she should have delved into some other occupations as well.
intro
With out a doubt, it is very engaging. Even though I'm a man, I'm a strong believer in equal rights with both race and gender. Reading about such miscellaneous bariors in society being torn away I find intriguing.
detail
The last and final paragraph is much shorter than the others. Although the ending sentence is very sound, I feel there's room for expansion.
transitions
As far as I could tell, it was very good.
extra info
Nope.
conclude
The concluding paragraph does feel like it's loosing something, but the finishing sentence is very good.
change
Practically the entire thing because most of the essay is writen about the personal experience of being a female firefighter. I would have to change the point of view to that of a man's (or at least that's what I'd do).
added comments
Nope.
- Contact_FullName:
- Contact_Email:
theme
best
more work
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3r3553
change
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- Contact_FullName:
- Julia Anufriyev
- Contact_Email:
- ulchick17@hotmail.com
theme
"Yet,the stigma of being a woman who chooses to move outof the role of a traditional female job and into a non-traditional job is still there.
best
I think the best about this essay is that this women is really showing her voice of trying to say that woman vould handle this firefighters job just as easily as man, because that was her main point.
more work
She uses too much "I" in her first paragraph.
intro
Yes, because at first sight the phrase "...until I chose to challenge him on his own ground". That makes me continue on reading and to find out how she challenged a man!
detail
The 3rd paragraph might need some explanation about how the women can "...find confidence and self assurance...".
transitions
The transitions look good to me!
extra info
I think that there is no extra informaiton, or any information that is off topic.
conclude
Yes, because she encourages woman to continue on fighting for their equal rights.
change
Perhaps the heading "Non-Tradotional Women" to "Women struggling for their fair equality"
added comments
No comments.
- Contact_FullName:
- Cecil Mateo
- Contact_Email:
- hafaadainene1969@yahoo.com
theme
the stigma of being a woman who chooses to move out of the role of a traditional female job and into a non-traditional job is still there
best
That women have the courage and strength to do the same field as firefighters. I feel that woman and men should be equal as one. Women can manage to do the same hard work as male.
more work
I don't see anything wrong with this essay.
intro
Yes, I think that the author is saying that woman can become more independent and hard worker than the male dominant.
detail
The 3rd paragraph needs more details. The author should explain more when she says,"fnd the confidence and self-assurance" in her. Paragraphs 1-2,3 and closing.
transitions
The transitions look fine to me.
extra info
The author is on the topic but there no extra information in paragraph 3. The author should explain more about confidence and self-assurance.
conclude
Yes, she is giving other woman the strength and courage to be equal as men.
change
Maybe the heading Non-Traditional Women to Women Struggling to have the Strength and Courage to be Independent.
added comments
No comments
- Contact_FullName:
- Richard Lewis
- Contact_Email:
- ricklv426@yahoo.com
theme
Men who are intimidated by women who move away from more traditional roles. Women can become just as good firefighters as men.
best
Goes over some history of women firefighters.
more work
See #9.
intro
Yes, it is written in such a way that it does grab your attention.
detail
Yes, as far as I can tell.
transitions
Yes, I'm not sure wether anymore are needed.
extra info
I feel that the writer dwells to lond on the firefighter part.
conclude
Somewhat, I thing it would have been a lot better if the writer put more example of jobs that women are moving into.
change
See above.
added comments
None.
- Contact_FullName:
- Eve Vazquez
- Contact_Email:
theme
This essay seemed to be about women in non-traditional settings. it is also about how more and more women are becoming firefighters even though they may be uncomfortable in that position.
best
I thought the essay was written well. the sentance structure was easy to read and the information was givin in an orderly fashion.
more work
I didn't really see anything that I thought needed work, I am not very good at criticizing other peoples work because im not good at writing.
intro
The introduction defenetly cought my attention. The first sentance was very streight forward.
detail
I thought each paragraph contained details that kept me interested. all the paragraphs had something important to say.
transitions
I thought the transition from firefighting being physically demanding and family support and stress needed work.
extra info
I didnt notice any information off topic or misplaced
conclude
I thoght the conclusion was good, and it was a good closure.
change
I dont know if I would change anything, I am not good at writing and I dont think I could do any better.
added comments
I am glad I read this essay because I am currently attending school to become a firefighter.
- Contact_FullName:
- Angie Ross
- Contact_Email:
- rossclara@hotmail.com
theme
The theme of the paper is that women have been taking on roles that are not traditional.
best
I think the best thing about this essay,is that it incourge women to try for jobs that they would never think of going for. The reson I like that was becouse everybody needs a O.K you can try this.
more work
I think that some of ending sentices to some of the paragrahs didn't lead into one another.
intro
Yes it did. I think most women who read this would find the frist statment fun. I like to see other people feeling that men aren't all that.
detail
Yes. I thought most to all had very good detail. The paragraphs got to the point.
transitions
I really did't read them. If I am understanding what transitions means it cames when you change to a new paragraph.
extra info
I think that maybe the history paragraph didn't really fit.
conclude
Yes. I think it gave the reader closure. The reason why is that it wraped up her point, which she pointed it out at the end.
change
I would change the job. I don't mind fire fighters, but I like to use police offcers as my example.
added comments
It was a pretty good essay. I learned some thing new.
- Contact_FullName:
- Robert Ingram
- Contact_Email:
theme
In using the example of women firefighters being just as competant as men, one must reconsider previous gender-based concepts that percieve men superior in both physical and emotional capability.
best
I think by using the true examples in history, with factual refrences makes the essay more believable without being boring.
more work
I believe it would have been improved with a broader variation of professional examples, and references other than Viramontes 483 would expand the creditability.
The last paragragh does not appear to make a conclusion of the evidence provided, but rather it is portrayed as a "hope" or wish,rather than being a focal point of supporting the essay itself.
intro
The topic is of general interest, however the author is using first person "I" over and over. It narrows the objectivity, leaving the introduction NOT in the context of a general discussion.
detail
The third and fifth paragraphs are not specific as to reference material, yet all contain elements of the information the author is trying to express.
transitions
The transitions are out of order placing the intrnet articles prior to the statements on past history.
The greatest breach of the transitions is in the conclusion, or last paragragh: it's innadequate.
extra info
The essay really does not need to know details abot Molly Williams being considered "as good a fire laddie as many of the boys." In itself, it's seems demeaning to use the terms "laddie" and "boys" in the adult context of the article.
conclude
It is too general. and leaves the reader with fanciful wishes and hopes for change; unlike the arguments provided previously.
change
I would reverse it. Begin with a general wishfull idea, build it with historical stories, strengthen it with current facts, and allow the reader to come to a conclusion. This conclusion was pre-meditated and organized giving even more credit to those of both genders reading this.
added comments
I believe that when you can present information for a definite conclusion in such a manner that the reader/student takes pride in "discovering" the answer, your communication for them to remember is multlplied ten-fold. It allows them to feel the "credit" of believing exactly what the author intended without being overbearing or offensive in creating new concepts to emerge.
- Contact_FullName:
- lan nguyen
- Contact_Email:
theme
best
more work
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- Contact_FullName:
- Lan Nguyen
- Contact_Email:
- lannguyen18@hotmail.com
theme
Traditional women Job.
best
Telling about what women do and gave exapmple for that reason because this story want to every women to know about this and what job woman should do and what job women shouldn't do.
more work
Tell more about women traditional because it kind of mis-understanding very well.
intro
Yes because I want to understand about women. Sometimes I want to find a book or anything about women traditional to read, but I don't have enough time to read. And when this article coming I read and love it because it made my thought come true.
detail
Yes
transitions
Yes
extra info
No
conclude
Yes because she feeling good about that.
change
Nothing because I think it is ok and I'll stay with that.
added comments
This article is good enough I don't have to addition or take off of anything I'll stay with the essay.
- Contact_FullName:
- Lan Nguyen
- Contact_Email:
- lannguyen18@hotmail.com
theme
Traditional women Job.
best
Telling about what women do and gave exapmple for that reason because this story want to every women to know about this and what job woman should do and what job women shouldn't do.
more work
Tell more about women traditional because it kind of mis-understanding very well.
intro
Yes because I want to understand about women. Sometimes I want to find a book or anything about women traditional to read, but I don't have enough time to read. And when this article coming I read and love it because it made my thought come true.
detail
Yes
transitions
Yes
extra info
No
conclude
Yes because she feeling good about that.
change
Nothing because I think it is ok and I'll stay with that.
added comments
This article is good enough I don't have to addition or take off of anything I'll stay with the essay.
- Contact_FullName:
- lan nguyen
- Contact_Email:
- lannguyen18@hotmail.com
theme
non-traditional women job
best
It express the feeling of women with the firefighter job. also they realize that man and women are equal. they all deal with stress and do the same work
more work
explain more women traditional as well as men traditional because it help the reader to understand more about the women role as well as men.
intro
yes, because it helps me to realize more about women role.
detail
yes, every paragraph give specific detail about why women should or shouldn't be a firefighter and they express women feeling really good.
transitions
yes, it change the idea of women role to make it more interesting and more detail that helps the reader to understand paragraph flow.
extra info
no, the essay explain the detail about women traditional really good. the essay all detail about women traditional. there were no extra imformation about other subject.
conclude
yes, it express about the stress and job that men and women have to deal with and now women express their feeling towart the firefighter job.
change
if this were my essay i would give more information about women can do some other job not just firefighter job. also i would give more information about men feeling toward women tradition.
added comments
this was a really good essay. it helps reader to understand more about women but it need to explain little more about what are the women strength and weaknesses.
- Contact_FullName:
- shanna Strain
- Contact_Email:
theme
best
more work
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- Contact_FullName:
- shanna Strain
- Contact_Email:
- none
theme
). I have learned to transcend society's gender roles, it only takes a little perseverance.
best
it talks about women who aren't scared to step beyond the boundaries of life. They are equal to men.
more work
Thesis needs to be more specific.
intro
Yes! Women need to explore their feelings on life a little more.
detail
yes
transitions
yes
extra info
no
conclude
yes. it sums the story up.
change
nothing. but then again I am not good at writing essays. Although by the time this class is over I will be better because you are a good Teacher!
added comments
- Contact_FullName:
- Contact_Email:
theme
best
more work
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