Editing Find-and-Fix—the video                                                                        Jim Roth’s Website

 English 99/101/102

1.     Seasoned writers do not use the words “you” and “your” without reason because doing so can inadvertently identify their readers with the situation discussed in the their essay. 

For example, let’s say I write the following for the college newspaper:

“Hard economic times can drive an instructor to risk harassment by begging in front of the Lair.  This is unfair because it is really the economy that’s to blame. If you feel that you are being harassed, you should notify your . . . .”

Noticed how the above switches from third person (an instructor) to second person (you, your)? In switching to second person (you, your), I have inadvertently called all of my readers “begging instructors.”   This error is called “unnecessary shift in person,” and it is nagging how easy it is to do without noticing.

If you’re a little rusty on what “person” means, please double-read the following:

                     

ê   Persons (or voices)  

ê Singular number (only one)

ê Plural number (two or more)

         1st person     è

I, me, my, mine

We, us, our, ours

         2nd person    è

You, your, yours

You, your, yours

         3rd person    è

She, he, it, her, him, hers, his

They, them, their, theirs

 

FThe rule to remember is unless the meaning of a sentence clearly requires a change, stay in the same “person” throughout the sentence and the paragraph.

So let’s fix it:

“Hard economic times can drive an instructor to risk harassment by begging in front of the Lair.  This is unfair because it is really the economy that’s to blame. An instructor who feels that he or she is being harassed should notify the supervisor. . . .”

Now there is no “unnecessary shift in person” because all of the words (instructor, he, and she) are members of the “third person.” 

2.    Let’s take a look at another common problem.  See if you can discover what’s wrong now (Hint: check for agreement of singulars and plurals):

“Hard economic times can drive an instructor to risk harassment by begging in front of the Lair.  This is unfair because it is really the economy that’s to blame. If an instructor feels like they are being harassed, they should convince themselves to notify their supervisor so that they can find a solution to their problem . . . .”

That’s right:  The problem now is an error called “shift in number” because words and their replacements need to agree in “number”--in other words, singular words need to be replaced with singular pronouns and plural words need to be replaced with plural pronouns.  So when we begin with a third person singular subject such as an instructor and replace it with plurals such as they, their, themselves and them, we commit this error because plurals (they, their, themselves, and them) do not agree in number, and therefore, cannot replace or stand in for singular words such as instructor. 

I’ve tossed and turned many sleepless nights trying to figure out why writers do this, and all I’ve come up with is that they probably switch from singular to plural to avoid the “he or she” or “him or her” mess.  For an example of this mess, please see the following which actually agrees in person and number:

“Hard economic times can drive an instructor to risk harassment by begging in front of the Lair.  This is unfair because it is really the economy that’s to blame. If an instructor feels like he or she is being harassed, he or she should convince himself or herself to notify his or her supervisor so that he or she can find a solution to his or her problem . . . .”

Clumsy and awkward, is it not? So here’s what to do:

Whenever possible, begin with a third person plural subject so that you can use they, their, themselves, and them as replacements.  In other words, try to avoid beginning sentences and paragraphs with singular words such an instructor, a student, a parent; instead, begin with their plural counterparts-- instructors, students, parents. This change solves the problem, as in

“Hard economic times can drive instructors to risk harassment by begging in front of the Lair.  This is unfair because it is really the economy that’s to blame. If instructors feel like they are being harassed, they should convince themselves to notify their supervisor so that they can find a solution to their problem . . . .”

Now not only are the words all in the same person but also the same number.

3.    One last problem to solve—the dreaded sweeping generalization.  Here’s what it looks like:

“It is unfortunate that instructors hate criticism.  If they would just listen to their colleagues and their students, they would not only become better instructors but . . . .”

No problem with person or number here; now we have a sloppy thinking problem affectionately known as a sweeping generalization.  Here’s why: by not qualifying the word instructors, the writer is claiming that all instructors hate criticism.  You might argue that the writer really didn’t mean “all” instructors; nevertheless a good critical reader assumes that if the writer wrote “all,” the writer meant “all”; and if there exists even one instructor who doesn’t hate criticism, this claim is untrue.

Here’s how to fix it: unless you absolutely mean it, avoid using unqualified plurals such as instructors, students, parents. To go along with this, also avoid zero and one-hundred-percent words such as all, none, everyone, no one, always, never. Remember, unqualified plurals mean everyone in the group.

The good news is that we can easily fix a sweeping generalization by qualifying the plural with mid-range words such as many, some, most, few, often, seldom. Let’s apply this:

“It is unfortunate that many (or some or a few) instructors hate criticism.  If these instructors would just listen to their colleagues and their students, they would not only become better instructors but . . . .”

Here’s what to do now:

Take the rough draft of your essays--and all of your writing from now on--through a special revision where you . . .

Find and fix unnecessary shifts in person, particularly sentences that switch to you;

Find  and fix sentences that begin with singular words and, instead, begin them with plurals so that you can avoid the “he or she,” “him or her” mess; and

 Find and replace zero and one-hundred-percent words such as all, none, and everyone with mid-range qualifiers such as many and some.